This weekend being Children’s Day we wanted to buy a small gift for Ojas. We took him to lifestyle and let him pick the toy he wanted
I personally think that if u are going to buy a toy for the child its best that you buy what he likes… Now when I write this statement I know a lot of heads nodding saying yes but ever thought of happens next….
What if your male child wants to pick up a doll? or your daughter wants to pick up a gun? So how do u react in such situations?
Because this is what exactly happened on Sunday… in the whole store the only thing that Ojas was attracted to and could hold his attention for more than 2 mins was the Barbie cooking set 😀 and when I asked him what he wants to buy he told me cooking toys… So I bought it for him without even thinking once that I shouldnt have.
The problem started later when whoever I told this to reacted in a way that I found very surprising…. they laughed on it… ha ha ha boy will play with kitchen set???? my own mom even went to the extent of telling me that you should have not bought it…
I have also observed that this problem is more common when u have a son… (atleast in some area they are less partial to girls)… more eyebrows are raised when a boy buys a kitchen set or a doll than when a girl boys a gun or a car…
I have a huge problem with this kind of conditioning… this is what makes them grow up with a huge gender bias… If we tell them when they are kids that girls should play with dolls and kitchen sets and the boys with guns and cars and tools isnt it natural that they grow up with that bias? Why do we cringe some much if our child wants to be a different than what is conventionally right? This is what I always talk about as conditioning…
The conditioning of a child’s mind begins right when he/she is an infant and when they grow up we label them as MCP’ etc etc…
When they are young and what to make chapathis for you in their kitchen set we tell them that no boys dont do it and then when they grow up and ask for hot hot chapathis we complain
When they are young and they want to dress up their doll, we tell them that no let you sister do this and then when they grow up and dont pamper their wives we call them unloving and uncaring husbands
Me for one has decided that I am going to enjoy the tea that Ojas is making for me these days in his new toy cooking set and enjoy it as long as it lasts…
Its high time we changed with the modern times isnt it?
Monika's World 
Absolutely agree Monika. Infact, for Ansh too , toy utensils have always been special & we’ve never shied away from buying them for him.
I hope more and more parents think like this and I think the parents of our age group are finally beginning to do
I agree!
I totally totally agree…
I have nothing more to say other than – “I agree”
🙂
LOL
I like it
You’re absolutely right. I don’t understand why people fuss so much…most kids get over their toys in weeks! Letting them experiencing the joy of all toys is good for them, like you said 🙂
oh meira a week is a lot trust me they get over it in couple of hours 🙂 but yes I guess the key is to let them enjoy what they want
we should have more parents thinking like you.. ya.
tara if u see the responses in this post u will realise that yes there are more parents who do think like this and that makes me happy 😀
Three cheers to the future Sanjeev Kapoor !!!!! 😆
And a big hug to the mommy who made it happen !!!!! 🙂
yes uma hip hip hurray 😀
You know what.. This so reminds me of Friends when Ben plays with the Barbie and Ross psyches out and forces his son to play with a Gi-Joe.
Regarding the bias, being very honest even I am not totally on-board with the idea of boys playing with dolls or kitchen set. My mind tells me it is perfectly fine while the subconscious finds it a bit awkward…Kinda conflicting situation. May be I am raised with the same kind of bias you are talking about.
But I am glad that you are letting him make his choices. I am not sure how he would feel about his choice when he grows up and finds people are judgmental about this kind of stuff but in course he would be glad that you did let him make his own choices.
I know the subconscious u are talking about Prats, I have battled with it consciously from the time I thought of having a child till now when the time has come to act on these things… and this is the subconscious what I want to grow without… I want these days kids to grow without to be able to see the real difference and equality in the society
And yes u are right he might do that but like u said he will eventually be happy about it….atleast I am hoping so 🙂
Love your header. You guys look lovely!
My sons played with Barbies and Kitchen Sets. I didnt stop them, but a lot of others commented. Anyhow both of them graduated to cooking lovely meals so I guess it was a great investment
thanks ritu LOL and isnt that something which has turned out really well and I mean seriously speaking how many teenage or young girls (atleast in the kind of setup we live in) do we really find these days who cook??
I m glad u let him have that kitchen set… as small kids we play everything… Hriday has one too !! 😛 as we grow up slowly but surely these gender differences slowly creep in !!!!
and by the way for Children’s Day we asked Hriday what he wants and he said I want to eat Cheesy bites in Pizza Hut…
like Dad like son… food crazy !!! 😛
and u know hitchy those gender difference creep in because slowly we and the society around us even their own friends… TV we make them aware of them so much
LOL 😀 i have time for that to happen still though I dont think its far off he has already started asking me for pastas and noodles 😛
ohh aryan is a great cook you know ..he looooooooves cooking and i and I let him cook , infact he assists me when I cook , yesterday he told me chalo mumma hum log halwa banyenge 🙂
are wah god bless him 🙂 beta ho tou aisa … kya khayal hai
he he
dont worry, iv played enough of kitchen games when i was a kid… true that most of my friends were girls back then, but nevertheless, i didn turn out gay or anything… (which is how people seem to analyse character/gay tendencies these days)
LOL ab i am the one who is least bothered and then if he turns out to be.. wont it be his choice we will just have to accept
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I agree also 🙂
great 😀
and welcome here chitra
I am very glad to read all the replies from our next generation radical mothers!! i hope you guys remain determined 🙂
I have more things to say like refraining from falling pray to the stereotypes n bla bla but i will only say i think this is great!!
hey welcome here my dear 🙂 and thanks is all I can say and trust me the response is equally reassuring to me as well
Absolutely Monika! My kids were also free to be themselves. I don’t think parents realise how terrible this is for little kids, making them feel that if they prefer to do what we claim they shouldn’t then there’s something wrong with them.
yes and surprisingly no one seems to be bothered by that.. its just about what is traditionally right or wrong
😦
Ohhh you did the right thing. 🙂 and ojas does seem to be facinated by utensils :). You have lots of pics to prove that :). Grown men play with cooking sets (read Chefs) and many of then are damn good at it, so what if a kid is facinated by it? Let kids be I say. Pat pat Mon. I agree totally with your line of thought.
LOL pics to prove that A trust me u have seen only 1/4 of what I have of his in the kitchen and with the utensils 😛
🙂 My son love love loves the kitchen things. When his interest went to claiming all of my kitchen things when I cook, I bought a cooking set for him. Even now, he plays with real items rather than the toy but it comes in handy when he refuses to hand me the frying pan much needed for cooking….
Last time we went toy shopping (we try to keep our toy store visit minimal and stick to a long term big budget shopping rather than buying as and when) he took a baby doll and started kissing it’s hands and face. I so wanted to buy it but my cart was already full and I had a strong feeling that he would ignore it when we get back home. But to my surprise, son found an old, low quality unwanted baby doll and is playing with it often. We are planning to buy a good baby for him now.
Conditioning, ahh yes. They used to say that it’s genetic. But it’s surprising that even in this generation people are clinging to conventions. I haven’t heard much comments. May be I should expect some when I meet the family in January! LOL
oh i have kind of given up on the kitchen things and now when I am cooking its a game we are playing.. handing him a real cooker and onion and which he pretends to cook and I do my cooking else it just doesnt work…
and yes we try to have those visits to a min too.. and that is so so so sweet of him… now get him a doll will u
awww hugs to the baby
He he look at that looooooooooong comment. It’s the devil pushing my fingers over the keys he he he.
he he its the mom writing abt the son my dear 😀 😀
Monika, I agree totally with everything you say! This is the way to go. Ojas picked up something he liked, and I think you did absolutely the right thing by letting him have it.
I always follow the same principle, but my daughter disappoints me by telling me that cars are ‘boys toys’ 😦 But either way, I let my daughter decide for herself. If she is happy with crafty stuff, so be it If she wants a gun – wonderful! These days, she calls herself a ‘superhero’ and I love that too 🙂 We as parents, are definitely responsible for the conditioning, right from childhood. A child who is brought up without such conditioning, will definitely be a better adjusted individual.
Loved this post!
oh smitha trust me thats because she has started going to school and the girls and the boys around her are probably behaving that way
and even the TC programs… have u ever seen a boy watching dora because its by default boys watch Ben10 and girls watch dora
sigh
You’ve made a valid point. More than anything, think of the conditioning of the young brain to be told that it is ‘wrong’ to play with a kitchen set. I think you did the right thing by letting him have it.
U know with a young child’s mind even we have to tell him that he is REALLY doing a wrong thing.. I think in ten different ways… how to tell him in a way that wont make it feel dejected and bad and then this which is RIGHT
a fantastic post,Monika. I agree with all that you’ve said here. its so not right to categorise a child’s preference on the basis of his/her gender. namnam likes to play cricket,that doesnt make her any less a girl or ojas likes to have a kitchen set as a toy doesnt make him an less a boy,does it? all this notion that a girl should take to a liking for girly stuff and a boy to a more macho or boyish stuff is so ridiculous.
go ahead monika,enjoy the tea that Ojas makes for you and I’ll cheer for Namnam for every boundary she hits! 🙂
yes deeps lets together reduce this conditioning as much as we can..
here’s to another boundary 😀
Humans have a habit of categorizing people…We do the same with the sexes…A boy should do only x,y,z and a girl a,b,c…Why? This kind of categorizing and conditioning leads to statements like the one the Air Force’s Vice Chief Air Marshall made about women being in combat roles…
oh yes u are bang on bones… this is what probably we as a generation need to break away from or atleast try our level best
and welcome here
Very good post, Mon! I think the same way! I would love it if R chose a cooking range! Infact I was going to buy one for him, but didn’t for lack of space at home! On the contrary a friend of mine has a son who loves to cook, and she is always trying to change him, to develop ‘boy-ish tastes’!
yes pal that is the typical story of most of the houses.. makes me sad when we educated people do this
Sometimes buying some time can help !
Very very sweet post Mons! Cud nt agree more 🙂
Congrats on the blog adda pick 🙂
Pls tell Oju to make some tea for me too na 😉
thanks swaram… u come he will be happy to oblige
Hmmmm! U have got me thinking… But kids of today are really clear with their ideas and also I see that they can be terribly mean to each oth with regards to their choices. like if a boy plays with a doll, his friends will laugh at him so hard, he won’t look back at that doll again.
u are right but butterfly ever thought why they behave that way… isnt it because of the fact that we condition them so hard?
Ohh maybe Sanjeev Kapoor had picked up cooking set as a child. Look where is he now!! People are just prejudiced.
ya exactly
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And what if your boy turns out to be gay? I agree with what you’re saying but objecting to such conditioning making the assumption that he’ll be straight and “married” is hypocritical. and disappointing.
no but where did I mention that its an assumption that if does all these things he will turn out to be a gay??? I really dont think that it true
and plus if he turns out a gay irrespective of what toys he plays with frankly it would be his personal choice and I dont believe I should have a role to play there except for acceptance of the choice….
Congrats Monika! I blog about this a lot. I practise gender neutrality as much as possible…Dhruv also loves playing with kitchen sets, and Divya with Meccano sets. And I get the same comments…either I ignore them, or give them a lecture!
They’re free to choose their toys, but of course, I put my foot down when it comes to guns or Barbies for either of them!
yes starry I guess we all need to do this
and i am also totally against guns as toys for anyways… never understood how gun could be toys???? but barbie curious why u say a no to them?
Hey,congratulations on the blogadda pick! your post deserved it,Monika 🙂
thanks deeps
Wonderful post and very rightly written. I was missing reading this somehow and got to it today. I remember the scene today morn when both son and daughter wanted to wear the pink jacket. Enjoy the tea made by ojas. I just love your attitude and thinking.
so sumana who finally wore it and thanks a lot sumana
Very true Monika! Hasnt anyone noticed that all the top chefs of the world are all men! I am sure that wouldnt have happened had their moms refused to let them play with kitchen sets!
So there’s the new TOP CHEF in the making 🙂
Do take a peak at my new blog(I’ve moved all the non-photography stuff here) when you get a chance.
And congrats on the pick by Blogadda!
Yay to that 😀
and yes dear i saw… i am bad at comments though these days..been too busy
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Nice blog post Monica. A child needs nothing to make up a toy to play. That’s what so nice about childhood. It is we adults who think of complicated things.
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