U, me, ours and alcohol

Tags

alcohol, drinking, indian society, parenting, society

So this post started as a comment to Prats post on Parenting and Alcohol which was actually triggered by Shilpa’s post on it. Now I had read Shilpa’s post too and wanted to say some of these things than too but I don’t know why I didn’t. But today when I read Prats post I knew this had to be written

So I suggest if you haven’t read those two posts till now please read them and come back here

The examples Prats gave in the post I don’t approve of all of them and actually I am aghast at case where a spoonful of vodka was given to the toddler one I have never ever heard of that and everyone in my circle drinks. You don’t need a super brilliant guy or be a parenting guru to understand what was done there was bad and wrong.

But lets look at the some other examples he has given

“A party and a large gathering the entire family is invited, everyone is drinking starting from beer, scotch, to tequila including the non adults in the party.”

When do we become an adult? 18? I think you are actually allowed to buy yourself a drink only post 21. Really? I had my first beer when I was 15. In those times I had it behind my parents back, had a huge hangover and was at a friends place puking my guts out looking back would I have preferred to have my first drink at home in the company and supervision of my parents. You bet a  big YES. Than why would I prevent my son to do it?

This time I went to Delhi at a wedding all of cousins had drinks even the younger ones  who were around 15 had a peg each with us and I think it was much better than going to a dark corner or on the street and having a drink ready to fall prey to anyone who wants to take advantage of it.

I am a mom and when I think of this problem as a mom I would rather be open and frank with Ojas and have him understand things. Make him aware that drinking is not bad if done in limits becoming addicted to it is rather than him going out and trying the stuff on his own. I would rather have him trip and learn to handle himself along with me rather than puking somewhere on the road. Infact me and N have discussed that when he turns 15  we will take him to a pub and offer him a drink if he wants to have one. And mind it my decision would have been the same if I had a daughter instead.

I totally agree with Ritu, this is what she had to say in the comments

My simple rule is that these are things that they will experiment with. I do not want them to make asses of themselves in public or drink/smoke out of sheer rebellion

U know the problem with drinking is… the movies and the religion have made it a very very harmful thing whereas its NOT, its really not… I am not saying its good for health to be prescribed to everyone what I mean is having a drink a week or off and in the weekend does actually no harm to the body and even if does I will say eating a samosa or a brownie day also does harm the body do we preach against it so much? Do we? Its about it being a taboo and because me make it a forbidden taboo so elusive to kids teenagers (lets address teenagers as teenagers rather than kids shall we? Cause they are not kids) that all they want to do is try it.

This is really one of those things I hate about Indian culture the hypocrisy which goes behind drinking and frankly I admit I have been a part of it too. It has taken me a long time to stand up and say yes I do enjoy a drink any problems. In our society drink is something that men have behind curtains in a separate room. And when the boys of the family grow up they grow to another separate room to have theirs. Why, when everyone knows everyone is drinking?

I have seen friends whose houses go through a booz cleaning drive before the parents are supposed to arrive.Why? If u think its ok just do it in front of them and if you think its not than please give up. Think of those parents do you think they really don’t know?

And don’t you think the reason for the above behaviour is exactly what the parents did in their teenage. Forbid them from drinking.

For me if the choice is between my kid sitting with me at 15 and having a drink and going out and having and not knowing how to handle himself I would certainly chose the former.

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Tol Mol Ke Bol

Tags

discrimination, fat, insensitivity, obese, personal, society

Just 5 minutes back I was reading a post by Starry, the post stuck a chord. Now the readers here know I have been battling with weighty issues for a long time now. Due to health problems etc etc I am what they call in common language FAT or even obese…Well now I know it and u can see it too but does it help when u call me that in face? I have posted before on how I was bullied through the school on being fat. Let me tell you what happened with me sometime back actually quite sometime back about a year or so…

Me and N had both decided that we seriously wanted to give yoga a try and inquired around a bit and got to know of this yoga instructor who came to our society to teach some people. People said he is good and called him Guruji… so I took the number and fixed a time for about 6am in the morning for the first class where he will teach just N and me… now I am not a morning person but still got up at 5:30 in the morning, did the routine morning tasks and reported for the class at sharp 5:55 am in the club house.

A middle aged  fit man walked in at around 6 and introduced him as Guruji…We all sat down and he started asking us why we want to do yoga… N went ahead and told him the usual – holistic exercise treatment, stress reliever etc. He turned to me and before I could say anything he said “I can see you are obese, what else is your problem” The statement irked my already irritated self in the morning. But I decided to ignore that statement thinking he just might be wanting to be technically correct and told him about my other health problems and that what I want to achieve from yoga is feel healthy and yes losing weight is one part of it, he gave me a look which was like what losing weight is just a part of it? anyways he started teaching me and what would happen would be as follows

Guruji : Take your hand like up…… …… …. (turns to me) its ok if you can’t do this. U are obese no…

Guruji : Bend down, lift ur leg up…. ….. …. …. (turns to me) its ok u dont do, U are obese no….

and  this became his way of talking, with every time he used the word I was drawn away from any respect one can have for a GURUJI…

The second day of the practice he came up to me and said.

U must detox your body, be on a liquid diet for as long as possible. Atleast 1 week to 10 days. And take Isabgol and clean your system. You must have loose motions. You are obese no…

I was like what??????????? Anyways I still tried to listen to him thinking that he is the guru after all

and than after 2 days a lady came inquiring to him that can he teach her at the same time he is teaching us, though we had paid through our nose for a private class we didnt really have a problem because there is hardly any difference in 2 or 3 and plus the lady was our neighbour but man guruji had some other thoughts and thak before even checking with us he replied…

No I can’t teach you with them, u see if it was only this gentleman it would not have been a problem but here we have her also, as you can see she is obese and I need to deal with her differently. So please I can’t teach you with them.

And I was like WTF????And that was the last day I did any yoga with him… Now in all possibilities I don’t think he meant me any harm or wanted to really insult me. But he was really insensitive about the way he spoke and that hurt me infact hurt a lot and I was put off yoga for a very long time.

I really fail to understand that why a simplest thing like being sensitive to people’s physical or any other problems is so difficult for us

I have a very very close childhood friend who had a birthmark near her eye, the veins in one of her lower eyelid were swollen since birth and hence protruding out. This left a huge scar on her self esteem. As if battling with that was not often she would have to deal with all kind of things from people. I have myself shouted back at people who came up to her and asked her “so you are kani (can’t seen from one eye)” one person even told her to make use of handicapped qouta to get admission somewhere as she can understand aakhn ke wagah se padh nahin paate hoge (due to the eye u might not be able to sudy well)???? and this when she actually had a perfect sight….

I don’t understand why it’s so important for us to judge and slot people. fat or slim? fair or dark?  adopted or not? tall or short? Why can’t we just let people be people? I loved what starry said (and dear I am quoting u here word to word)

I have friends who are overweight or even obese. I will not call them fat. Not because I feel pity for them, nor do I think it’s bad to have excess weight, nor do I have contempt for them. It’s because I know what they are put through for having a body shape that many people look down on, have a problem and judgments about, and how they have numerous traumatic and super-challenging experiences as a result of the discrimination. My friend is my friend, she’s not her weight…to me.

And it’s not just about the weight it’s about everything (read her post which talks about Adoption and many more things). I think we need to learn to be sensitive towards people, chose our words with care and sensitivity and say them with empathy…

In short Tol Mol Ke Bol

So many mutaliks (post no 24)

Tags

Feminism, NaBloPoMo, society

Time : 13:00

Date : 27th May

Place : on the road radio playing in background

The RJ throws an interesting question to the listeners…

they say “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” and this modern times when everyone doesn’t know how to cook what could be the other way to a man’s heart… i really found the question interesting because it makes think beyond the conventions

and here are some of the replies for u

Caller no 1 (male) : there are a lot of ways she can get to the man’s heart but if she wants to stay there she has to know cooking

Caller no 2 (male) : no no there is no other way, its like women need love whatever we do for them but love is needed same way cooking is needed for us

Caller no 3 (female) : emotional intelligence, the girl u should have it (thank god i like this answer)

Caller no 4 (male) : the girl should be dressed in Indian traditional clothes… she should not wear western clothes… all those skimpy clothes are not for Indian girls… (mutalik in the making)

RJ: so by traditional clothes u mean sarees or salwar kameez also? (with a shock and a hint of sarcasm in the voice)

Caller no 4 : ok salwar kameez is fine but they should not wear western clothes

RJ: so do u have a gf?

Caller no 4: yes

RJ: and she wears only salwar kameez

Caller no 4: yes she has to she is a nice girl

Caller no 5 (male) : when i come home after a hard days of work she should give me hot cup of tea and a good leg massage (which world is he living in) and should not argue with me (bascially just shut up and listen to me)

Caller no 6 (male) : the girl should listen to me, should be simple, not wear western clothes, do cooking and other household work and should be loving (this takes the cake isnt I guess the RJ also couldn’t stand it anymore)

RJ: so u mean the girl should be ur doll…

Caller no 6: yes (I mean he said yes to that????)

RJ: oh my my u have the audacity to come and say that on radio too….

Caller no 6: its the truth

RJ: ok may u find urself a doll like that (i had a feeling she wanted to say more but couldn’t)

At this point I switched channels couldn’t stand it anymore…and this in a city which is supposed to be cosmopolitan youth centric city…. and all the callers were young…

If the youth of our conutry are thinking like that do we need a mutalik???? where are we heading to?

Say Cheese (day 8, post 10)

Tags

NaBloPoMo, picture, society

I was chatting with Life Begins sometime back and she shared this with me, its basically a man who has taken photos of his children every single day of their life… a 12-year old daughter and a 10-year old son…

Ok now I am a self confessed photography addict and when I just started reading this the idea actually looked pretty cute… go see the collage he is has made there, it does look cute… u can see the progress and growth of both the children, the differences on all stages… its a great documentation but then I read the whole article I read that both the children are now embarrassed of their dad and his hobby and then I thought why?

And then it stuck me its basically putting your life in open out there, but then isnt this we do to our children when we put their pics on the blogs

no no hold I forgot that this is not about uploading pics, this is about clicking them 😉

I was discussing with life begins that when Ojas was born it used to be just madness of clicking snaps, I admit it was an obsession with and even more with my sis…. but now when he is gradually growing up the number of photos that we click of him as are also going down and frankly also is my ability to click him as most of the photos that come out are nothing more than a some bundle of clothes hastily moving around gosh he isnt still for a minute… then how did he manage to click a snap everyday with them posing

so how often do u click your kids?

bad judge mon (day4, post 4)

Tags

NaBloPoMo, society

Some days I had gone to a party with Ojas and met a mother and daughter there (lets call them A and B)

Ojas fascination for chocolates had jus started then and he was wanting a chocolate badly as he had being eyeing one chocolate since the party started.

So B was eating a chocolate sitting on her mom’s lap and Ojas walks upto them and B just pushed him away with both legs, I pulled Ojas back saying no Ojas.. and B started to cry and A started to pacify her, none of them said anything to me… and thats it….

So what I do, I like 90% of the human beings would judged them… I judged that B is exteremely misbehaved and A is total irresponsible

Fast forward one day and A calls me, send me a sms, and sends me a mail… apologizing for what happened

and now what I did… regret… I think it is me who should apologize to them… so being so judgemental, kids will be kids after all… so sorry A,I hope u are reading this…

But after this incident I did realise something that I really couldnt after the debate at Roo’s blog didnt… When we judge people we usually do on the basis on one or two inchidents and that might not be them…

But then while I am writing this my mind is contradicting it again… saying that in this case may be, but is it possible in all cases to not judge?

So how would u have reacted to it? Would u have judged too?

Picture is worth a thousand words

Tags

children, society, tag

is it really, i think so.

SO when I saw this tag at Dhiren I was excited and told him that I will take it up but then it was forgotten somewhere. Then Priyanka of me, my hubby and Our baby officially tagged me…

So the rules of this tag are as follows:

“Go into your photo archive,pick the 4th folder in the archive,select the 4th picture in the folder,and write about it.Then tag 4 other people to do the same.”

Now I am extremely organised in my pics (which is a wonder in itself as organised is the last thing that goes with me)

So on this blog I will take up the 4th pic from the general folder and then on Ojas’s blog the 4th pic from Ojas’s folder :))

This pic takes me back in time and just thinking about that day makes my eyes wet, what a day it was… When I was working with Intel I was actively involved in their community work with children and environment and this was one program we did… Children’s Day 2007 was celebrated with the physically and mentally challenged children from the Spastic Society…. We had some dance performances planed, some food and some music, there was also a band which was supposed to play which we all actually thought as a waste as were not sure the children would enjoy the same, but surprise surprise… that was the biggest hit of the day… the children we normally brush aside as physically challenged were dancing away to Summer of 69 and ofcourse the kanada’s numbers…

It was pure delight that day is still fresh in my memory after years and I think will always be

I think most of u have already done the tag but if u havent still consider urself tagged… please do it and leave a comment.

Numb

Tags

girl child, society

I am numb right now, was watching this news on TV right now… a 11yr old girl has been beaten by the teacher and is in coma right now… her chances of survival are very less and her fault she was not able to recite English alphabets… For this she was beaten, then made to stand in the sun for over 2 hours with bricks on her shoulders… i am trembling while writing this….

And the teacher says she has been beating kids forever, the TV even showed a clip where she was banging the head of a student on the desk…

what exactly is this??? these are the teachers we have, the ones who are going to mould the future of our little ones, the future of India?

And gosh forget abt that, can any human do this?

What punishment should be given to the teacher who didnt even sound apologetic after all this ? is there any justice that the girl can get? is there any justice that the parents can get?

Nirbhaya

Tags

Feminism, india, society

Ok so yes I am stuck on being fearless…

I still remember the day about 7 years back when I had decided to move to Banglore there were only two things that everyone said… the first i think everyone can guess… oh the weather is lovely and then came the next its a very safe and peaceful city….

I remember the time when I was staying at The Chancery on Lavelle Road and I used to take late night walks all by myself, enjoying the lovely wind in my face…

Post that intial 15 days I moved to a terrace studio apartment in Indira Nagar and stayed all by myself… I did change three houses post that but all of them I stayed alone for about 3 yrs till I got married… there were times when I used to walk to work (about a 1.5 km away) at nights and in early mornings… sometimes take an auto all alone and I never felt any need to worry…

And then this happened and it tore me to pieces, as I have written here too I was scared for months some past of me still is…

And now this s growing leaps and bounds… My city has changed and it pains me, my heart bleeds for it…

Like I mentioned in the previous post its high time we do something about it, the PPC and the blank noise people are indeed doing something about it…

They are doing a Fearless Karnataka / Nirbhaya Karnataka, find the details here and here

There is also an Facebook event http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/event.php?eid=68888473361 for those oh u who are on FB…

These are some of the posters they have designed for the protest…I really liked them



All of the pics are here

I miss my city in which I was able to go around fearless… do u? lets do something together to make the city nirbhaya again…

PS: I wanted to mention this but dont want to do a separate post…. there is an internation missing women’s day being planned against female foteicide on 8th march… details here
lets do our bit

PPS: Edited to add u can sign a petition against attacks on women in blore here

also I just checked out the Sita Sena site and so loved their campaign with whistles… Now I do have a problem with their name but this seems good… very good…

Phew I dont think I have ever edited a post this much 🙂

Fearless

Tags

society

Yesterday night I had a sudden urge to go have a ice cream and that too at Corner house… actually I have been having that urge from quite sometime now but ignoring it from sometime but yesterday it was like I NEED ONE… blore is too hot u know

While on the way to CH we saw a girl walking on the road alone carrying some luggage, it was about 10:20 in the night and road was fairly empty but not deserted… the first thing hubby said after seeing her was oh so blore can still be trusted to go out like that

And the first thing that came out of my mouth was what is the option one has… its not the trust it’s the need….

Well the argument between us continued for sometime on this and we discussed various aspects of it…

He said that she could have taken someone along, my point is that WHY? Till how long will women need to have a company of man to be safe, to feel safe.

I personally think its high time women take their security in their own hands… carry a knife, a pepper spray (I always carry one from a long time), have ur help numbers handy…. go enroll urself in quick Tai chi or self defense class, I did take one couple of years back and trust me it does wonder to ones confidence level…. be safe ofcourse but dependent not anymore…

I think its high time we take action and stand up for our own security

Though he didn’t agree to all of what I had to say and insisted that we should not be taking such a risk… I know where he is coming from, he is worried for me… but this is what we have to change… the fact that if a women steps out of the house alone we should have a reason to worry….

What are your thoughts on it?

I swear

Tags

india, society

I swear that time I will stand up
Not for what i believe in,
but for what I dont
This time I will vote,
Not for but against
Against my own helplessness,
Against my own laziness
Against two words called Chalta hai
Aganist short cuts in queues
Against cheating in exams
Against Kharcha Paani in offices
Against powerless inquiry commissions
And powerful vote banks
Against religion in politics
and politics in religion
Against illegal constructions
and legal loopholes
Agaisnt every cynic, every non-believer
Against the belief that nothing will change
Against the feeling that my
vote cannot make a difference
Against every excuse for not voting
I will do this without fear or shame
Because only by voting against all that is
destroying our todays, will I give my childern
something to vote for tommorow

My morning today started with this lovely oath in the front cover of TOI, most of u would have seen it to… but doesnt it beautifully put across the most important problems of the nation and the only possible solution… young india voting…

Take the oath here here and make a difference…