A Calendar Too Crowded

Tags

a calendar too crowded, book, book review, causes to champion, Feminism, Sagarika Chakraborty, womans day, women, womens issues

My state right now and a book review too… I MUST begin this post by profusely apologizing to Sags and Harish… Sags because she is such a good friend and whose book I loved that I should have posted this review eons ago and Harish because damn, I think this is the record number of follow ups he would have done for a review with anyone I think… Unless Swaram hasnt still posted it 😉 But guys truly my state these days is just as the title of the book in a different manner that’s it… (but what I am upto is a topic of different post altogether and hopefully after this post, I will try to be regular :P)

Now Coming to the book itself, it was a book I was really looking forward too and not just because its been written by a very very dear friend but also because its on a topic very dear to my heart (surprise surprise? I can see the regular readers of my blog, smiling wide enough on this)

For those who don’t know what the book is about, here is the excerpt

Sagarika Chakraborty is a lawyer and student at ISB. Her début book is “a collection of stories and poems woven around the theme of womanhood”. Throughout the year there are a few dozen days set apart for women and issues surrounding gender. As is usual, we hear a lot about these issues on the special days and then go back to routine stories for the rest of the year.

In her introduction Sags goes ahead to explain the intent behind choosing the unique concept for the stories in the book

“The attempt is to delve deeper and analyse whether it is merely enough to rely on statistics and be complacent in the knowledge that the numbers indicate a better society in the making, or whether there is an urgent need to look beneath the covers and realise that despite all such dedicated days, there are 300 odd days when there is nothing special that life has to offer. Where each day is still an unending drudgery and where womanhood is cursed and trampled upon.”

I love the way the stories have been threaded in, the unique approach of picking up dates and how very true it is that its not just dates that matter, its all year through that we have to suffer, does a woman’s day make a difference to me if I see my maid coming home beaten blue by her drunk husband a day after 8th March? Does it hold any significance at that point of time? Standing for woman and improving there plight is a task that has to be done every single day through the year, through the life and that is what the book attempts by bringing to front the numerous stories

that touch you deep inside somewhere.

When I started reading the book, I was heart broken and the eyes were wet, the feelings becoming numb as I moved forward and somewhere in the middle of the book I realised that these are not the stories she wrote, these are the stories so unfortunately we see all around us 😦 Yes I know there are a lot of people which will say… “oh well the book is too depressing”, “naa you women aren’t so deprived these days” to those people I just have one answer… if the ostrich ducks her head, the problems don’t go away. Just look around yourself, the women in your life, the one that cleans your utensils? the one you have hired as a nanny to take care of your child? May be a distant (and god forbid a close one) who has gone through a divorce and had to listen to taunts from all and sundry, a woman who doesnt want a child or god help her if as a couple they can’t have a child… These are the stories of woman around us that touch you deep inside. Yes its depressing, yes its heartbreaking and that is exactly why its important to read it. To be aware, to be shaken out of our comfort zone and to be able to do something.

The book stands up and questions many things that will trouble us and its amazing to note how the author has gone under the skin of many many women so effortlessly.Another thing which I loved about the book is the how lucid the language is in the book, its hard to believe that its her first book.

The thing that may be could been improved in the book? The names, the names, the names… None of the characters in her books have names and when I started reading it, I found it very disturbing, we are used to of relating to people my name, then why leave such an important thing aside? May be she wanted to shake us out of our comfort zone while reading the book? But yes initially it did disturb me but slowly as I read more, I think it kind of stopped making a difference.

Final Word : A must read book for people in this generation, people who think that the problems of womanhood existed only in the era gone or these problems exist only in remote villages. It opens your eyes wide and clear. And yeah my fav three would be – Naked, Can you Hear me ma?, An equal friendship.. Do share which are yours?

Author : Sagarika Chakraborty

Publisher : Niyogi Books

Rating : 3.5/5

This review is a part of the Book Reviews Program at BlogAdda.com. Participate now to get free books!

PS: do u like the new look of the blog?

Against All Odds

Tags

Feminism, fiction, personal, semi fiction, strong lady, womens web contest

Asha was playing hop-scotch with her sisters and brothers in the vast empty field behind her house in Punjab, they were a big family of 3 sisters and 2 brothers and a loving mother who used to stitch clothes for people in order to raise the five kids. Just when it was Asha’s turn to beat her elder sister, their mother called them saying their favorite newly wed uncle had come visiting them along with his bride…. She started dreaming of sweets and gifts that were always the part of uncle’s visits. They played and she instantly liked her aunt and just when the uncle and aunt were about to leave for the big city the aunt told her mother that she wants to take Asha along with her, not for a visit but to bring her up… to give her a life and education that she can’t afford her. The mother with a heavy heart packed Asha’s stuff and parceled her to Delhi without even checking with her, it was for her own good after all…

The aunt was very nice to Asha, send her to a school to take formal education at the same time taught her all the things right for a girl cooking, sewing, knitting, taking care of the house and years passed away. Aunt had her own kids and they loved Asha to bits she was their elder sister…. And than Asha was deemed to be of an age where we think its best to get rid of them… yes my dear friends Asha was ready for marriage or was declared ready for marriage…

Couple of alliances came by and she was married off to the one that her aunt and uncle seemed to be liked. From her side aunt did a good job of trying to go for the one which came through a reference, the wedding was done with the usual India fan fare and she once again had to leave the house she thought was hers and go make another house her own and live happily ever after. However God had different plans for her… Couple of months after the wedding she came to know that her husband actually had no work and it would not be tolerated if she tried to work too and just as she was thinking how to deal with it she missed her dreaded monthly period and came to know that well she is pregnant…

She decided to reason it out with her husband that he has to work, decided to reason out that he should let her work and all she got were abuses and along with abuses sometimes would follow a few slaps too… she tired to talk to her mother in law and more abuses flew her way, hasn’t her mother taught her anything? or wait your mother didn’t want you right , she sent u to your aunt. Hasn’t your aunt taught u anything? Burdened and not wanting to trouble her aunt and uncle she tolerated it till she could and than one fine day her husband dropped her back in her aunt’s house along with a toddler and another baby in the stomach.

Aunt and uncle were shocked according to them they had married her to a good guy.. what was all this now? However like any Indian parents they tried to solve the matter… Uncle gave the husband a job in his company and aunt advised Asha to be more tolerant and sent her back after all she had her own kids to take care of…

As if the problems in her life were not enough God decided to give her another blow… She fell sick really sick and was hospitalized for months all together when the aunt tried to manage the hospital, her house, her job and her kids. Asha’s mother was promptly called from the village to take care of her and she slowly recovered… Doctors told her and the family they can’t predict how long will she live, her platelets count had dipped down to 5000 (when the normal is 150,000 to 450,000) and all this while the only thing she was thinking was what will happen to her daughter if she dies… Asha decided that she had to live, she had to live for her daughter, her son and for the past 10 years that’s what she has been doing… living with a platelet count which ranges in anywhere between 5000 to a maximum of 20000… When she goes to a doctor they check her 5 times saying that no a person with such a low platelet count can’t even stand and you have come for the test yourself and she didn’t just live, she took care of the whole family, all the household work and cooking and managing the house in the small amount that she would get from her aunt and mother in law

Asha has battled against all odds to stand for her daughter, she gave her the education that she wanted to with the help of her aunt and uncle and her sisters… she got beaten herself so that she can prevent her daughter. Today Asha’s daughter is working in a company and earns a salary to make her live comfortably, Asha’s son has just finished his education and is looking for a job and the husband yeah all he does is shout why is he shirt not ironed but when he does that he knows his own children will tell him why

Asha is a women I am proud of, I may not agree with all her choices but hell she made them with whatever little she had in life and stood by them as a rock

And this is my entry for the Womens Web contest

When I got a mail from Women’s Web talking about this contest, since than its been running in my mind… who is my FemInspiration?

A lot of people came to my mind, my mum who brought up three crazy but strong daughter, my granny who was the emotional backbone of the whole family and kept them together till she was living, N’s granny who was handling the whole fields and living all by herself  in the village till about 4 years ago i.e till she was 80 or a maid who worked for me – who was married when she was 12 and is working only to raise money for her daughters education inspite of the fact that she has to often tolerate domestic abuse. If we look around us there are enough strong women around us… Women who have stood against the test of time and proven their worth, proven they can do anything… they are ordinary women like u and me…

But as I was thinking of all this I thought of an extra ordinary woman in terms of strength, in terms of sheer will power to live for her kids… she has defied medical science, she has defied all logic, she has fought with every force in her life through her silence and tolerance a path may be I won’t have chosen… The above is a true story (a little fictionalized for the sake of her life) of a woman who is very very dear to me and right now at the end of the post I have my eyes full of tears… I request you all to pray for her happiness and peace forever

And yeah Happy Womens Day to each one of you… All you Strong women out there.. u inspire me 🙂

Equality

Tags

55-er, equality, Feminism, womans day

He :U will have to give up wearing Jeans after marriage

She : yes I will & u will have to stop wearing trousers

He : are u mad what will I wear

She : dhotis…its all about equality my dear

And saying this she walked out of the relation…

This Woman’s Day lets try and do out best to achieve the equality and mind it it means from both sides…

Happy Woman’s Day to all

PS: This is my first ever attempt on a 55-er be kind guys

A mother of three daughters : God save her

Tags

boy child, childhood, children, daughters, Feminism, girl child, memories, mother, son

We are three sisters and its a fact that I am proud of… a thing I would probably change for nothing… I remember my childhood as a total fun time, all three of us getting together and doing all kind of girly things… pretending to cook, taking care of our barbies, combing the neighbor didi’s hair endlessly (that was the youngest one though)… whenever I think of my childhood the bond with my sisters and also the lovely mother daughter is the strongest memory I have and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world… And over time I have come to realize that the bond between mother and daughters just keeps growing with time whereas the bond with mother and son keeps going down… I then wonder why is that we keep wishing for boys all the time? What is that special thing they give us?

This yet another brilliant post by IHM took me down the memory lane at the time when we three sisters were enjoying the childhood in full masti and mom was bearing the brunt of it all… I am eldest and the difference between me and the youngest sis is about 9 yrs or so and so at the time when she was growing up I was big enough to feel the undercurrents flowing around when people used to visit the house… When she was born people almost sad that yet another girl is born and dad became so furious against this argument that he poured out all the love he could possibly have on her and we still tease him that u spoilt her… 😉

Mom had to listen to all kind of things that what will she do when we get married? How will she get us married? Poor them will have to probably go in a ashram in old age… who will take care of them? My uncle with a son came forward behaving that he is a god for them as his son will act as a son for my mom-dad too and help them in their time of need…

My mom and dad stood through it all all the time and kept telling us and instilling in us an amazing strength and power for independence which I personally thing is the greatest gift any parent can give their kid… a power of self confidence and independence… I am proud of my parents because they gave my greatest strength my confidence and the ability to take the world head on… which I think is one of the reasons atleast two of us have turned out to be such strong feminits

Though mom took all the taunts and pity that she was given throughout with grace and ignoring them and proudly announcing to the world that her daughters are better educated and very well settled than most of the sons of the people who troubled her…Once we started settling in our career after taking best of the education she starting getting certain amount of respect by the same people who were taunting here and the memories (I think) of those days started to fade away slowly

And then there was one incident that kinda broke her down… I still remember that evening very very clearly…

I had finished my education and was working in a good company earning a very good salary ‘for a girl’… and people around mom started to sych her up how will u ever find a boy for her… anyways so the rishtas started coming in (and lets not go into the kind of rishats that were send, it was as if they wanted to show my mom and us that daughters are indeed a pain) and we would quietly ignore most of them as I wanted more time to work etc… but then after about 2-3 years of working when I was ready for marriage and unfortunately still single, my parents started looking out for guys and giving a serious look at the rishtas that came in… they liked a boy and thought it would be a good idea to let us meet and discuss figure out if we like each other… and a mesage was sent to the parents of the boy and guess what the response came

we dont want to take this talk forward, when we sent the rishta to you we were only aware of the daughter’s education etc and we didn’t know that you have three daughters, if you haven’t got any sons than its most likely that you daughter will also produce only daughters and hence we are sorry

can u beat that???? and that came out of a very well educated family. The mother of the boy was a principal in some school. gosh if we have principals with this attitude what will the children of that school grow up to be??? That day my mom cried a lot and I just stood by her wanting to kick the world in the face not knowing how to react… I was angry with the world very angry.

And just when my anger was going away being married to the most awesome guy I could find who has never ever made a thing that he is the man and I am the wife in the relation… out relation is truly equal with some things he taking the lead and in some me… whichever way balances our skills… but not even once we have felt that one is better than the other….  yeah going back to the point just when my anger was going away I became pregnant and people started again aah I hope u have boy atleast your mom could see a grandson if not a son, me and mom would quietly reply we would be happy with a healthy baby thats it… (though I know secretly wished for a boy 😉 but was that because she wanted to see how are boys when they grow up and not because of the standard reasons)

And then when he was born and I took him to Delhi the first time… of my  aunts commented saying that

chalo acha hai beta ho gaya agli baar ab tension nahin hogi, beti bhi ho gayee tou koi baat nahin… ab sab chalta hai

Imagine that statement in this time…. I got wild and replied to her that I would have been happier if it was a girl and would have been happier to make that girl a only child of mine… and what drama was created I tell u 😉 and I secretly enjoyed that

I have never really understood the obsession people have with a boy… why? I won’t say any one is better than the other… a boy or a girl… they are just children… a little human being waiting to be transformed into a big person by the parents… both need equal amount of love and affection and both present to you equal amount of charm in their own sense..

I wonder when will we as a society stop give them rules to live their childhood in a certain manner… when we will allow a boy to play with cooking toys and when we will allow a girl to go play cricket in the park… when?

PS: yesterday was Girl Child Day I wish I could do this post yesterday but nonetheless, this post is my tribute to every girl child that is about to come… this post is my tribute to every Chutki…

XX/XY

Tags

Abc Wednesday, Feminism

Today’s ABC Wednesday’s alphabet is X, by no means an easy one…but having missed on the last three times… I wanted to do one for sure but was clueless how to make something out of X… enable to think of anything i put in on twitter and FB and got some responses…. but nothing to make an intersting post out fof it… I scratched my head and then realised bah… how can miss this

“X” is what determines the fate of the human being brought into the the world and atleast in India the mother who is going to bring the life in the world.

X is a important thing… come to think of its just an alphabet right but looked at from a choromsome point of view… makes two people so different, makes them male and female….

An X could mean the pain, the humilation for the mother and also resulting in a illegal abortion

An X could mean that the person born would have being discrimated against all her life if the above was not true

An X could mean that the little girl would loose her childhood and be forced into doing the household chores only

An X could mean that she will be denied her right of education

An X could mean that the girl who is still to become a teenager will be forced into marriage against her wishes

An X could mean that she’ll be told her whole life what to wear and what not

An X could mean that all her life she will either be a daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law, mother but never herself

An X could mean that she will be labelled as ghar ki ijaazt inspite of being  a human who thinks and feels

An X could mean that if she is wronged at she will be blamed still, saying u asked for it

however

An X could also mean that there will be someone feeling and giving the motherly love which has no match at all…

An X could also mean someone standing upto all the discrimation and fighting hard with all the strength she has

An X could also mean a pillar of emotional strength, holding the whole family up in times of difficulties

An X could also mean bright shining doctors, and the girls outdoing boys every year in results

An X could also mean getting together and making something as trivial as pink chaddi a big revolution

An X could also mean an Mother Terresa, Indira Nooyi, Sonia Gandhi, Kiran Majumdar-Shaw, Chanda Khochhar, Mallika Sarabhai, Sunita Williams, Sania Mirza

Hope we keep adding to the X of the second list and the X from the first list just vanish

So many mutaliks (post no 24)

Tags

Feminism, NaBloPoMo, society

Time : 13:00

Date : 27th May

Place : on the road radio playing in background

The RJ throws an interesting question to the listeners…

they say “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” and this modern times when everyone doesn’t know how to cook what could be the other way to a man’s heart… i really found the question interesting because it makes think beyond the conventions

and here are some of the replies for u

Caller no 1 (male) : there are a lot of ways she can get to the man’s heart but if she wants to stay there she has to know cooking

Caller no 2 (male) : no no there is no other way, its like women need love whatever we do for them but love is needed same way cooking is needed for us

Caller no 3 (female) : emotional intelligence, the girl u should have it (thank god i like this answer)

Caller no 4 (male) : the girl should be dressed in Indian traditional clothes… she should not wear western clothes… all those skimpy clothes are not for Indian girls… (mutalik in the making)

RJ: so by traditional clothes u mean sarees or salwar kameez also? (with a shock and a hint of sarcasm in the voice)

Caller no 4 : ok salwar kameez is fine but they should not wear western clothes

RJ: so do u have a gf?

Caller no 4: yes

RJ: and she wears only salwar kameez

Caller no 4: yes she has to she is a nice girl

Caller no 5 (male) : when i come home after a hard days of work she should give me hot cup of tea and a good leg massage (which world is he living in) and should not argue with me (bascially just shut up and listen to me)

Caller no 6 (male) : the girl should listen to me, should be simple, not wear western clothes, do cooking and other household work and should be loving (this takes the cake isnt I guess the RJ also couldn’t stand it anymore)

RJ: so u mean the girl should be ur doll…

Caller no 6: yes (I mean he said yes to that????)

RJ: oh my my u have the audacity to come and say that on radio too….

Caller no 6: its the truth

RJ: ok may u find urself a doll like that (i had a feeling she wanted to say more but couldn’t)

At this point I switched channels couldn’t stand it anymore…and this in a city which is supposed to be cosmopolitan youth centric city…. and all the callers were young…

If the youth of our conutry are thinking like that do we need a mutalik???? where are we heading to?

Favor huhn? (post no 21)

Tags

Feminism, NaBloPoMo, personal, preganancy, rants

The other day I was talking to one of my friends and we got into talking about hubbies.. . She mentioned that I am very lucky to have found a husband like N who understands and helps in the house… Its a great favor he is doing to me…

Now I agree to her views about N but the word favor she used didn’t go down too well with me so I probed a little more and asked what did she think was a favor?

She went on to say that the biggest thing that he has done is support me so well in a troubled pregnancy… she thinks that he supported me in a way that was appreciable and is not really expected out of men… Now I agree with the first part of the statement but I really really have a problem with the second..

Why is not expected out of men I ask? Is it not their child? If the female can nurture the life in her body, call in for a change for life in her physically and emotionally… why cant the man look after the mother-to-be? Why is it a favor, how is it a favor?

Why is a considerate husband who treats the wife as an equal human being is labeled as JKG?

Why do we call the wives who have such husbands lucky when we don’t call the husbands whose wives help them with the income by stepping out of the house lucky?

The next leader

Tags

Feminism, politics

So our dear sanjuy baba strike again… here is his in which he says that Manyata takes decision in the kitchen….

HT: Did your wife convince you to get into politics?

Dutt: Manyataji takes the decisions in the kitchen.. aaj biryani banegi ya phir kabab or chicken. That’s where she rules. In other matters I decide what’s to be done.

so now we will have an MP trying to run some part of the country when all is allowed is to take the decisions in kitchen

I dont know what to get more angry on… the women’s right here or the country’s future????

Nirbhaya

Tags

Feminism, india, society

Ok so yes I am stuck on being fearless…

I still remember the day about 7 years back when I had decided to move to Banglore there were only two things that everyone said… the first i think everyone can guess… oh the weather is lovely and then came the next its a very safe and peaceful city….

I remember the time when I was staying at The Chancery on Lavelle Road and I used to take late night walks all by myself, enjoying the lovely wind in my face…

Post that intial 15 days I moved to a terrace studio apartment in Indira Nagar and stayed all by myself… I did change three houses post that but all of them I stayed alone for about 3 yrs till I got married… there were times when I used to walk to work (about a 1.5 km away) at nights and in early mornings… sometimes take an auto all alone and I never felt any need to worry…

And then this happened and it tore me to pieces, as I have written here too I was scared for months some past of me still is…

And now this s growing leaps and bounds… My city has changed and it pains me, my heart bleeds for it…

Like I mentioned in the previous post its high time we do something about it, the PPC and the blank noise people are indeed doing something about it…

They are doing a Fearless Karnataka / Nirbhaya Karnataka, find the details here and here

There is also an Facebook event http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/event.php?eid=68888473361 for those oh u who are on FB…

These are some of the posters they have designed for the protest…I really liked them



All of the pics are here

I miss my city in which I was able to go around fearless… do u? lets do something together to make the city nirbhaya again…

PS: I wanted to mention this but dont want to do a separate post…. there is an internation missing women’s day being planned against female foteicide on 8th march… details here
lets do our bit

PPS: Edited to add u can sign a petition against attacks on women in blore here

also I just checked out the Sita Sena site and so loved their campaign with whistles… Now I do have a problem with their name but this seems good… very good…

Phew I dont think I have ever edited a post this much 🙂

Tell me Tell me

Tags

Feminism, personal, pink chaddi

why does weekend fly away so fast?

The weekend was a blast… Valentines day was well spent raising a toast to PPC and celebrating the first victory of Women Power 🙂 🙂

And yesterday was fun too with lots of good cooking and a potluck dinner

But why why why does the weekend fly away so fast???

PS: Ps has posted a very interesting exercise here, I had fun doing it and got a lot of insight in my life… do check it out