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Tag Archives: letters

Dear Badi Mummy : A letter to my Granny

30 Friday Jan 2015

Posted by monikamanchanda in Letters and more, personal

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

feelings, grandparents, letters, parenting, personal

Dear Badi Mummy,

It is almost been 14 years since you left us and I realised I have never written to you in these years though I don’t think there has been a week which has passed in which I haven’t had a conversation with you.

Last week I was in Delhi, enjoying the Delhi winter, eating the food that I would eat sitting next to you every December, food cooked by you. Gajar ka halwa, the pinnis. I was remembering the sunny afternoons where we would all sit in the verandah of your house and eat moongfalis (peanuts) and how I would blackmail you with the look in my eyes and you would give me the peeled ones. How every evening, you would give us money and we would walk to the nearby shop freezing and rubbing our hands to get samosa and jalebi to eat. I remembered how I would cuddle with you to get warm.  When I saw O grating the carrots with mom to make gajar ka halwa, I felt a strange stab in my heart. I wanted it to be me again sitting with you and making gajar ka halwa. I smiled when I looked at them happily bonding but somewhere the heart gave a cry of longing for you.

I remembered the days gone by, on how I would come from school and rush to hug you. On how I would tell you every small thing that happened in school. On how I shared about my first crush with you and you looked at me with wide eyes and said “moyi marjaani, dhyaan rakhin” and then the warm smile spread at your face and you gave me the best hug in the world. On how, when I hid that I have flunked in one subject in school from mom-dad, I came and told that to you and how you slowly and gently made me confess that to mom. On how it was you I told about my first boyfriend ever, it was you I shared my fear of mensuration, on how it was you whom I came and told my nightmares and my dreams. Both the ones I saw in the day and night. For me while growing up you were my friend, you were my mom and you were the force in my life, my strength and that one person who would drive me. Who I would look upto, who I would search for in happiness and in sadness, in clarity and in confusion.

And then that day 13.5 years ago, on a Diwali night when I got a call that you are sick, I remember every turn of the foggy Delhi roads, every thought that came to my mind that evening and I remember reaching there to be told that you are no more among us and I remember feeling nothing. And then ofcourse the tears came and they went. Life moved on, we all moved on but somewhere you left a huge void in my life that no one has been able to fill.

So much has happened in this past 14 years, so much that I would have loved you to be a part of. I married a person who understands me, supports me and loves me. Ofcourse we fight, like you used to say if two people living together don’t argue, they are drifting apart. But we also have a bond that I saw you and daddyji sharing. A bond of love and trust, a bond of togetherness.

I am now not a software engineer, who just sits in front of computer doing god knows what (though to be honest, I still sit a lot in front of my laptop). I now work in the food industry. It’s a love I have picked up from you and taken to next level.

But more important than anything else, I am now a mother of a 7 year old boy who I would have loved you to meet. In whom, sometimes I see your spunk, your zest for life, your stubbornness and my eyes wet because there is nothing more I would want than to see you and him bond. The joy of my life and the most important person in my life. I would give anything to see you hug him, to see you bless him.

Early this week, I went to meet daddyji who at the age of 93 is so different from the grand-dad image I have from my childhood, he is ageing, he is frail and he remembers you. He often says “Tu te chali gayee, mainu chod gayee” and I see that sadness in his eyes. My heart broke to see him like that, asking the same question nth time and forgetting he has asked it before. I remembered the man who would bring us all fruits, always the sweetest ones, and cut post dinner. A man whom everyone was slightly scared of, a man who commanded respect and love in every action. Old age is evil, old age is harsh and I could see it in him. If you ask me, I saw that in him the day you passed away. He has never been the same after that but this time it hit me that daddyji who 10 years ago shocked everyone by dancing on my mehendi is now an old man.

But you know what badi mummy, you know what I felt the most when I met him. That where are you? Why aren’t you around? I feel terribly selfish thinking about it but I wanted you to be there, I don’t have the heart to see daddyji anymore without you. I miss you today and everyday.

Yours Khasma-nu-khani,

Mona

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Day 5 : Letter to My Dreams

15 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by monikamanchanda in 30 Day letter challenge

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

30 day letter challenge, dreams, just me, letters, personal

Dear Dreams,

Well what do I write to you. The fact that most mornings when I wake up the first thing I do is try to remember what you showed me last night and this has been the habit since I was a kid when badi mummy told me that “sabko sapne aatein hain, subah uth ke sab log unke baare main bhool jaatein hain”. There are times when you put a huge smile on my face early morning, I love those and there are a few times when I have been grumpy all day because of you, please do reduce those kinds. In some you have taken me on a world tour collecting people from various stages of my life in one go and in some you have made me cook for people I hardly know.

In some you have shown me a future so bright and nice that I am scared to reach out to it zest it gets disturbed, in some you have shown me the love and care that I normally overlook when I am awake

In some you have also made me realise my mistakes and shown me a path that I should take instead

Dear dreams, you have been kind to me and I can’t wait to introduce my child to your world. Hopefully he will have the bond with you too, hopefully you will be kind to him too

With love and anticipation of many more dreamy nights

Mon

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Day 3 : Letter to Parents

08 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by monikamanchanda in 30 Day letter challenge

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

30 day letter challenge, just me, letters, parenting, parents, personal

Dear Mum and Dad,

When I read the list of people I have to write the letters to I knew this one is gonna be one of the toughest ones to write. Also it’s funny because this is the first ever letter I am writing to you, stayed at home with you guys till I started working in Bangalore and by that time, cellphones and phones had made permanence in our lives.

As with every parent-child relationship, ours has gone through major ups and downs too. I have worshiped you guys, I have loved you guys, I have hated you guys too and now I am at a stage in life where I can say I understand you guys.

But today what I want to tell you is that I am scared of the role reversals which are happening. Two years ago when I had to rush to Delhi because both of you were not keeping too well it stuck me that you guys are finally ageing and will need care from our side. It’s not a happy thought, not because I don’t want to take care of you or not because I want to run away from my responsibility. I will stand to that but it’s not a happy thought from the point of view of emotions.

I want to always be the little girl that you take care of, the idea of me taking care of you instead is so heartbreaking. It means that I have to grow up, it means that I can’t be your baby forever. This isn’t fair I tell you. I love you guys and I want you guys to be healthy forever so that I can be a baby, I know I am being selfish here but then if I don’t be selfish you guys whom will I be selfish with.

So dear mom-dad, please take your medicines and vitamins regularly and let me the tantrum throwing baby around

Lots of love

Mona

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Day 2 : Letter to my crush

04 Thursday Sep 2014

Posted by monikamanchanda in 30 Day letter challenge, Just Me

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

30 day letter challenge, crush, just me, letters, personal, teenage

Dear senior in the school,

I still remember the first day I had set my eyes on you and I remember the teenage girl going weak in the knees, dreaming about thousand sweet nothings you would whisper in her ears. Dreaming about holding hands and walking down a beach with you.

I still remember the day when you asked me something in school assembly and I couldn’t errrr reply. Yes I was a girl like that at one point.

I still remember the day when you played that cricket match and I watched you doe eyed.

And now after years when I got a friend request from you on FB, I looked at you and thanked god that it was passing crush 😉 yes I am evil like that

But on a serious note, you taught me a lot. By not talking to me you taught me that I really can’t have everything I wish. That I might be the queen of my house but in the outside world it doesn’t matter.

By going ahead and having another girlfriend, you taught me how to deal with heartbreak and that whatever happens life does move on

Dear first crush in life, you taught me the difference between crush and love and that my dear friend is a learning like no other

So here’s wishing you happiness for life and here’s wishing myself many crushes and stable love

Mon

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Day 1 : Letter to my best Friend

02 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by monikamanchanda in Letters and more

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

friends, just me, letters, personal

Dear Best Friend 

Should I start the letter by “Hello, hope you receive this letter in the best of health”. That’s how we were taught to write letters in school , the school both of us went to. 

Dear Best friend, We have grown up together. From the days of my childhood when I remember playing hide and seek with you and the others in the street and you saying “mujhe den banna nahin aata” (I don’t know how to become the den), to the days of teenage and discussing about our first crushes, moving on to the excitement of first boyfriends and kisses. The class stories and the scheming against parents. Those long evenings and nights where we pretended to study together and those 2 am poha and maggi. That spending the whole day together but still standing at the gate for 30 mins to continue talking. 

Listening to “Nothing gonna change my love for you” in endless loop and dreaming of our respective boys, those fights too. And then trying to behave as if it doesn’t matter where actually in the heart all we need is a good talk and then when the fight is solved, going on to talk like we haven’t met for ages irrespective of the fact that the fight never lasted more than a couple of hours. 

As I am writing this letter to you I realise how much I miss you, how much I miss the days of growing up. The days where I had someone always to turn to chatter away, just to be around. As life moved on, we did too and truth be told I have made many more friends. Many friends that I am close to, even friends that I share my secrets and feelings with but there is something about you that I miss. The hanging out, the carelessness, the love 

Just wanted to tell you that you are in my thoughts always, I may not always call you but I miss you and I know that whenever we meet we will just pick from where we left

Yours 

Mona 

 

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bundle of contradictions, a working independent woman, a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a traveler and ya a blogger :)

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