C is for Child Sexual Abuse

Tags

AtoZChallenge, child sexual abuse, CSA, csa awareness month, CSAAM

This year I have been wondering what to write on CSA, I have already written about how its important to protect your sons too, I have already written my own survivor story and while giving it a thought and doing some work for CSA FB page, I came across this poster

Pic Courtesy – http://www.parentsprotect.co.uk/

Truly shocking and scary isn’t it? Unfortunately now that I have worked with CSA so much I know its true and that scares me even more, 75% of the kids don’t tell you I wonder why, in think the answers lies right around in us, in the way we behave, in the way we try to shoo this topic under wraps and want to turn a blind eye to it, like it never happened, it never happens and it most certainly can’t happen to us

So if a child doesn’t tell you how does a parent/care giver figure out… according to the internet and various manuals I have read, some warnings to watch out would be

• Acting out in an inappropriate sexual way with toys or objects
• Nightmares, sleeping problems
• Becoming withdrawn or very clingy
• Becoming unusually secretive
• Sudden unexplained personality changes, mood swings and seeming insecure
• Regressing to younger behaviours, e.g. bedwetting
• Unaccountable fear of particular places or people
• Outburst of anger
• Changes in eating habits
• New adult words for body parts and no obvious source
• Talk of a new, older friend and unexplained money or gifts
• Self-mutilation (cutting or burning) in adolescents
• Physical signs, such as, unexplained soreness or bruises around genitals or mouth, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy
• Running away
• Not wanting to be alone with a particular child or young person

In this I would pay particular attention to the last one, if u child says he doesnt like XYZ and doesn’t want to play with him/her . please please please listen to him. Kids are more intutive then adults are and sometimes just going with their intuitions could help a lot

Apart from watching out for warning signs, another very important thing to do in my opinion is encourage your child, build trust in them so that they come back and talk to u – Open lines of communication with them in all possible ways.

Another important thing to do will be to keep all members of the family educated, it really doesn’t help if you tell your child to be aware and alert and the granny/father comes and tells no u have to trust everyone. Kids can get confused often so make sure the message passed to them is consistent

Keep your child safe, don’t shove CSA under the carpet. Talk about it, act on it NOW c

April is here – CSA 2012

Tags

causes, causes to champion, child sexual abuse, CSA, CSAAM

Remember April 2011 on Twitter, Facebook and blogs? We talked about Child Sexual Abuse – the hows, the wheres and the whens. We were overwhelmed by the response it generated, humbled by the weight of the personal stories of despair and courage.

It’s that time of the year again and we’re going ahead with Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month – April 2012.

Do you have a story to tell? Tips to share? A video, a link, an ebook? As a parent, as an adult, as a child? As before, we honour all requests for anonymity.

Bring your experience and your expertise to this awareness initiative via

Blog posts with the logo (you can copy the image above), linkback to our blog, with the words “CSAAM April 2012” in the title
Twitter posts or links to @CSAawareness, tagged “#CSAAM”
FB notes linking to our Facebook page
Emails to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com
Or just simply show support by displaying the Picsquare badge on your site/page/profile

This year, we hope to increase our focus and reach with our new CSAAM App and our sensitisation workshops. You’ll find both in our blog come April 2012.

Stay tuned

[CSAAM] How did I teach my child

Tags

child sexual abuse, CSAAM, parenting

Since We started the CSA program, there have been many brilliant tips pouring in for parents on how to teach their kids about Good Touch Bad Touch, experts have taken chatson the topic. But one question that still comes back everytime is

When do we start teaching our children about the Good Touch Bad Touch, how soon is too soon? OR I would say How late can be too late sometimes

My personal answer to the above is ASAP, as soon as the child starts to understand what you are telling him/her. I started talking to Ojas about it when he was 1.5 years, yes you heard that right and we have seen how he reacted recently, false alarm I agree but better than no alarm if God Forbid something happens. When can you start speaking to your child ofcourse will vary from child to child and also on how one approaches the subject. There is a very fine line between scaring the child and getting the message across and starry talks about it beautifully in her post

Through the month we have read many stories and now heard it all and I don’t think by now anyone would doubt the fact that talking to your kids, educating them and giving them confidence is the biggest way to deal with this. Prevention is truly the only cure in this case. So when I say I started to talk to him about this when he was 1.5 years old let me tell you what exactly did we follow.

1. The first time I spoke to him about good touch bad touch, it wasn’t really talking about good touch bad touch. It was talking about private parts of your body. Since he was about an year old we have been taking bath together, both me and him in his under garments. So one day while taking bath I started by telling him gently that the parts we have covered now while taking bath are our private parts and no one should see or touch them unless they want to clean. Make it light and age appropriate and tell them while doing an activity as a matter of fact, keep repeating it everytime you do the activity 

2. There is no shame in your private parts they are just private. I know this one is a little tricky but one needs to tell them there is no need to be ashamed of their private parts but there is no need to flash them around. Explain to them the reason of keeping the private parts covered and why we just can’t run around naked. Explain to them in terms of cleanliness and also in terms of the fact that it belongs to them. Give them an example again, have u ever seen mumma dada naked running around so similarly you shouldn’t either, according to me letting them run around naked just confuses them when you try to explain them the concept of private parts but don’t say “che che hoooo” 

3. ArtNavy in her post says “Let kids get a lot of touch at home from their parents. Daily. Especially from the parent of the opposite sex. Even mock wrestling, cuddling, whatever. Only then will you empower them and they can instinctively tell when it is good or bad touch.” I couldn’t agree with it more. The best way according to me for teaching your child Good touch bad touch is to make your child aware of a lot of good touches only than the child will be able to understand what a bad touch is. I from the starting made sure to play a lot with Ojas tons of hugs and tons of kisses

4. Name the people who are allowed to touch the parts for cleaning purpose specially if you are not going to be around all the time. When he was about 2 we started telling him who all can touch his susu place for cleaning and even in that case we told him if he doesn’t feel good about the cleaning he can tell the person, please don’t clean like that. Its very important according to me to make them aware of their feelings and we all know and we have read in the stories that most of the times kids do the gut feeling that what happened was wrong. Don’t make it a big deal and scare him just tell him as a matter of fact that like he doesn’t like food he tells, if he doesnt like the touch he should tell. 

5. Respect his need for privacy and stand up for him when needed. Since he has been 2.5 years we likes to do his complete pee routine by himself and likes to close the door like we do and we let him do that just telling him he should not shut it fully because he is small and might not be to able to open it. There was this one incident where we were visiting someone and he did the same thing, the old aunties started laughing on why does he want to close the door, I could see his expression changing and just jokingly told them back like you close the door he does too. I am sure I was labeled as snob post that but I could see his confidence raising. Never let the kids down when they do what you have taught them. 

The above things have more or less worked for me but the key acording to me for teaching kids anything is repetition repetition and more repetition 🙂 Keep re-enforcing the rules, the confidence, the love and hope that they will stand up against what we couldn’t and God forbid if time comes we stand up against what our parents couldn’t

CSAAM–U need not worry

Tags

boys, child sexual abuse, csa awareness month, CSAAM, girl child, parenting

U need not worry is a sentence I get to hear from people a lot, U need not worry for many things ask why? Why because I have a son for a child and not a daughter. When I have a son why should I worry, now the worries could be a whole lot of things, but today I am here to talk to you about worries about Child Sexual Abuse.

Its a common misconception (along with many other gender myths) that boys are not vulnerable to Child Sexual Abuse. According to National Study on Child Sexual Abuse (its a downloadable pdf) boys and girls are vulnerable to Child Sexual Abuse. It also goes on to say that boys find it more difficult to disclose about abuse than girls and we still go ahead and hardly pay any attention to the boys when we are talking about CSA. Why? In sheer numbers it states

An estimated 150 million girls and 73 million boys under 18 have experienced forced sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual violence involving physical contact. (across the globe, its quotes a UN study for that)

73 million and we still say you don’t have to worry because you have a son. Infact among the sample that they interviewed the result is

Among respondents, 48% of boys and 39% of the girls faced sexual abuse

U wanna still say I don’t have to worry? I think its a inherit part of our culture which makes us believe that boys are above all this. We as a society don’t want to handle the CSA issue because for us the issue is not about invading the child’s privacy, is not about the hurt that the child goes through. Its about the SHAME that the incident will bring to the family and traditionally its only a girl who can bring shame to the family.

Also I think the term vulnerable and boys really don’t go hand in hand at all, boys are always portrayed and taught to be the macho ones, ones who can handle anything infact I will go far to say ones that will inflict pain rather be a victim to it, thats the role we have difficulty accepting our sons in but victims naah,I never believed in it but since I have had a son and one who is a gentle soul I know how untrue this thinking is. Girls or boys, both can be aggressive, both can be soft… Both can be victims.

Tulir shared  this link on the CSA FB wall sometime back. The site contains some excellent posters which talk of the specific challenges men can face in relation to speaking about sexual abuse

One of the them says

If I tell you I was sexually abused, will you..

…judge me?

…believe me?

…see me as less of a man?

…question my sexuality?

…think I will abuse?

…listen?

There is another one which says

If a man is meant to

…always appear strong

…control his emotions

….be self reliant

… not be a victim

How can he tell you

…he is struggling

…he is scared of losing control

…he feels alone

…he was sexually abused

There is a comment by arun in madmomma’s post which asks

Why is that this comment section so dominated by females? I always thought that it is easy to get boys then girls.. coz of typical indian mentality

I think the above is what directly answers that and that is also something I strongly believe in, this is what I had replied to him

boys (now men) are even more ashamed to accept that they have been abused. We always teach boys to be macho, to be strong… nothing can hurt them yet someone came and abused them? now how can they share this with the world.

According to me its high time we start accepting the fact that boys can we abused too, boys can be tarnished too and stop being so careless with them. I  have a 3 yr old son and I get a lot of slack from people that I am raising him to be too shielded, that I am a paranoid mother, that I guard him too much. Me I have just one thing to say better be paranoid than sorry.

Guard your daughter but please don’t forget to guard your son too, at a young age they are both clueless both need the love and the protection

PS: My post on how I deal with my paranoia and teach my son about private parts coming up soon, but read this informative post by Sue on how to protect your boys

CSA Calling for Stories

Tags

CSAAM

CSA is calling for stories…

We all carry our own demons. Memories we have buried in our subconscious which we wish never to confront again. But maybe writing about our experiences would provide a much needed catharsis. We, at CSAAM April 2011 invite you to tell us YOUR story. Anonymous stories will be more than welcome. We want to know what happened, how it affected you as a child, as an adult. We want to know how you dealt with the pain. Email us your stories at csa.awareness.april@gmail.com. Talk about it. Don’t bury your experiences.

If u have something to say please mail me or the above email id

Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month–April 2011

Tags

csa awareness month, CSAAM

When we were coming back from Lavasa, a general chat with Kiran and some other bloggers in the taxi on the way back turned towards Child Sexual Abuse and how it is one of the worst things to happen to a child. Kiran suggested that we do a Child Sexual Abuse Awareness month across the blogsphere and the idea appealed to me. As a subject its really close to my heart. I have been abused when I was a child and I know how traumatic it is, I have known some victims who were severely abused and it affected their life as an adult. And the worst part which I feel is that its one of those things which is hushed under the carpet.

So across the month of April 2011, over 40 bloggers in the blogosphere will come together to post on various aspects of Child Sexual Abuse in a bid to create awareness about an issue which affects over 50 per cent of children. This, the Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month April 2011, will run across their blogs as well as the CSA blog, which will be . In addition to these posts, the CSAAM blog will feature survivor stories, posts by experts and NGOs working in these fields. Through this concerted effort we hope to bring Child Sexual Abuse out of the closet and teach parents how to educate their children about predators, preventing their children from being abused and knowing how to deal with such a situation should it occur. Our children deserve a safe and happy childhood.

So come join us in the effort and Keep your child safe.

If you would like to add to the discussion or know somebody else who would, please note that we welcome entries

• mailed to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com OR
• posted as FB notes and linked to Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month Page OR
• posted on your own blog with the badge and linked to the main blog OR
• linked or posted on Twitter tagged twitter.com/CSAAwareness OR

The list of topics is available here. Anonymous contributions are accepted and requests for anonymity will of course be honoured. I will probably be hosting at least one guest post and encourage you to do the same for non-blogging friends.

Please remember to send in a mail with all necessary links or just your input to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com so that we can track your contribution and make sure that it is not inadvertently lost or something.

U can also support it simply by adding our the logo of the initiative in your blog’s sidebar. Grab the below code to do so

<a href="http://csaawarenessmonth.wordpress.com/" target="blank"><img src=”http://csaawarenessmonth.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/csa-logo.jpg” _mce_src=”http://csaawarenessmonth.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/csa-logo.jpg” alt=”” /></a>