Teri Bindiya re …

The word bindi comes from “bindu” which means a dot. The origin of Bindi is dated back to the mythological times and was traditionally sported by both men and women and was called “Visesakachhedya” that is painting the forehead for beautification purpose. The place of the bindi is of a great significance as well as it is supposed to channel the agni or the 6th chakra. This is the chakra which is said to control various levels of concentration attained through meditation. Tantric traditions also believe that this to be a potential point for the release of the latent energy in the human body.

Over time, the bindi transformed into a tilak for and more fancy cosmetic accessory for women. It also somehow managed to transform itself into one of the symbol of marriage along with sindoor, malipu and mangalsutra. Trust us to tie anything beautiful in a women’s body to her marriage and the man.

My relationship with a bindi has seen many ups and downs. At one point of time during college I used to wear those detailed hand painted bindis, remember those boxes of Shingar liquid bindis in all colors, there would be new designs we would discuss and would challenge each other for. I was in love with those bindis, so much so that my title at one of the farewells was “Teri Bindiya re” (gosh yes I am old, do they still do titles?). From there I moved on to those tall thin and lanky sticker bindis. I briefly flirted around with those stone and sequins bindis for functions but soon realised they were not meant for me. And then slowly as the outfits became more western and the attire more formal my affair with bindis, died a slow death.

But all through my love affair with Bindi, one thing I always shied away from was the big bengali style round bindi, always feeling it is not for my already gol gappa like face, and then Ritika Mittal happened in my life. I distinctly remember that day when I was walking into her second or may be third exhibition at Vermillion house wearing a MORA by Ritika creation, she and Melvin looked at me picked up big red bindi and put it on my forehead. There was nothing I could do about. But I also remember how I smiled to myself after that, how I wondered what took me so long and since that day till today saree equals big round bindi for me. Infact I have put it on many more people post that includingSwati Raman Garg, Pallavi Purani, Archana Doshi and loved how it looked on each of them, so here is to Bindi and awakening my 7th chakra 😉

 

PS: Have you guys checked out the #100sareepact. I am doing it and posting all my sarees and stories on the instagram account. Follow me there to get updates. Currently on the 63rd saree 😀

Dear Badi Mummy : A letter to my Granny

Tags

feelings, grandparents, letters, parenting, personal

Dear Badi Mummy,

It is almost been 14 years since you left us and I realised I have never written to you in these years though I don’t think there has been a week which has passed in which I haven’t had a conversation with you.

Last week I was in Delhi, enjoying the Delhi winter, eating the food that I would eat sitting next to you every December, food cooked by you. Gajar ka halwa, the pinnis. I was remembering the sunny afternoons where we would all sit in the verandah of your house and eat moongfalis (peanuts) and how I would blackmail you with the look in my eyes and you would give me the peeled ones. How every evening, you would give us money and we would walk to the nearby shop freezing and rubbing our hands to get samosa and jalebi to eat. I remembered how I would cuddle with you to get warm.  When I saw O grating the carrots with mom to make gajar ka halwa, I felt a strange stab in my heart. I wanted it to be me again sitting with you and making gajar ka halwa. I smiled when I looked at them happily bonding but somewhere the heart gave a cry of longing for you.

I remembered the days gone by, on how I would come from school and rush to hug you. On how I would tell you every small thing that happened in school. On how I shared about my first crush with you and you looked at me with wide eyes and said “moyi marjaani, dhyaan rakhin” and then the warm smile spread at your face and you gave me the best hug in the world. On how, when I hid that I have flunked in one subject in school from mom-dad, I came and told that to you and how you slowly and gently made me confess that to mom. On how it was you I told about my first boyfriend ever, it was you I shared my fear of mensuration, on how it was you whom I came and told my nightmares and my dreams. Both the ones I saw in the day and night. For me while growing up you were my friend, you were my mom and you were the force in my life, my strength and that one person who would drive me. Who I would look upto, who I would search for in happiness and in sadness, in clarity and in confusion.

And then that day 13.5 years ago, on a Diwali night when I got a call that you are sick, I remember every turn of the foggy Delhi roads, every thought that came to my mind that evening and I remember reaching there to be told that you are no more among us and I remember feeling nothing. And then ofcourse the tears came and they went. Life moved on, we all moved on but somewhere you left a huge void in my life that no one has been able to fill.

So much has happened in this past 14 years, so much that I would have loved you to be a part of. I married a person who understands me, supports me and loves me. Ofcourse we fight, like you used to say if two people living together don’t argue, they are drifting apart. But we also have a bond that I saw you and daddyji sharing. A bond of love and trust, a bond of togetherness.

I am now not a software engineer, who just sits in front of computer doing god knows what (though to be honest, I still sit a lot in front of my laptop). I now work in the food industry. It’s a love I have picked up from you and taken to next level.

But more important than anything else, I am now a mother of a 7 year old boy who I would have loved you to meet. In whom, sometimes I see your spunk, your zest for life, your stubbornness and my eyes wet because there is nothing more I would want than to see you and him bond. The joy of my life and the most important person in my life. I would give anything to see you hug him, to see you bless him.

Early this week, I went to meet daddyji who at the age of 93 is so different from the grand-dad image I have from my childhood, he is ageing, he is frail and he remembers you. He often says “Tu te chali gayee, mainu chod gayee” and I see that sadness in his eyes. My heart broke to see him like that, asking the same question nth time and forgetting he has asked it before. I remembered the man who would bring us all fruits, always the sweetest ones, and cut post dinner. A man whom everyone was slightly scared of, a man who commanded respect and love in every action. Old age is evil, old age is harsh and I could see it in him. If you ask me, I saw that in him the day you passed away. He has never been the same after that but this time it hit me that daddyji who 10 years ago shocked everyone by dancing on my mehendi is now an old man.

But you know what badi mummy, you know what I felt the most when I met him. That where are you? Why aren’t you around? I feel terribly selfish thinking about it but I wanted you to be there, I don’t have the heart to see daddyji anymore without you. I miss you today and everyday.

Yours Khasma-nu-khani,

Mona

Things I never want to forget about N #4

Tags

being married, just me, personal, the husband, Things I never want to forget about N

And I did it again, the number 3 in this series was posted on 14 and today is 19th but God promise in my mind I had written those 5 posts and scheduled one for everyday as we were traveling on a short anniversary celebration break (more on that in the next post hopefully) but today morning when I logged into the blog and saw there were no published posts, neither there were any drafts saved. I don’t know where those posts went but I promise I wrote them and right now my heart is crying on losing not one, not two but 5 posts. Sigh but I will attempt them again. Hopefully they will be close to the ones I wrote the first time

Things I never want to forget about N #4

His dedication towards fitness

Everyone who reads this blog knows, how many times I have attempted and given up on my weight loss program. Many times I have achieved some results I agree but always give up. I am just not dedicated enough. Sigh but N he is the total opposite, dedicated and inspiring.

I look at him day on day, working out and taking his health and fitness very very seriously. Planning his runs, his long cycle rides, every day gym and being very very cranky on the day he misses it.

Dear N, know that I love you for this and respect you for this and someday, someday I hope that I will get inspired enough to become like you here

Things I never want to forget about N #3

Tags

being married, just me, personal, the husband, Things I never want to forget about N

Things I never want to forget about N #3 : That he loves to travel, that he loves to drive

One of the earliest memory I have of N is from our first or second date, we were lunching at Ebony and generally chatting about life in general and somewhere came up the topic of cars and driving and I mentioned how I would love to one day do a Delhi-Bangalore drive and without skipping a beat he looked into my eyes and said, “we’ll do it together one day”. We were officially not even dating at that time.

And that was a starting of a lifetime journey of many many trips that we have taken together, including two drives to Delhi and back in the car.

I love how we both get excited at the name of a long drive (though offlate he has taken more to the bike and it’s breaking my heart a bit), the planning starts. Xls sheets are made, time log kept of each destination, each pit stop. I love how you and me fight for the wheel, for the chance to drive and I love how we now have our own sweet way to sort those out.

I love how we both get itchy to get out of the city every few months and I love how you want to discover a new road, a new route every time we head out

Here’s to many more journeys we take together, here’s to many more roads we discover and here’s to you loving the car more than the bike again 😉

And here are two songs which almost ours when I talk about road travel

Things I never want to forget about N #2

Tags

being married, just me, personal, the husband, Things I never want to forget about N

Things I never want to forget about N #2 : That you dance like nobody’s watching 🙂 

I still remember how early on in our dating period may be our second or third date, that era where Bangalore used to have more discotheques that we can count on our fingers, me and N had planned an evening together at a pub called “Sparks”. It used to be one of those happening pubs at that time and how after a couple of drinks you asked if I would like to dance and frankly that was the last thing I remember clearly of that evening. After that I was in an imaginary world, a world where we did much swirling and twisting around. In a world where that first casual touch while dancing felt something else. But what I clearly remember about that evening is thinking oh this guy knows how to move and well. You danced like a dream that day and I might not remember anything else from that day but I do remember the dance.

Fast forward the scene to almost a year later, it was our mehendi evening and considering there I was marrying somehow from South of India, we had invited N and his family to the mehendi function. Now if you have attended mehendi of a punjabi wedding you know what a riot they are. I had a gang of young cousins who were literally meeting N for the first time that evening and were ready to jump right into the saali-jija mode, jokes about dance and south indians vs north indians were also predictably making the rounds as were couple of glasses filled with things you don’t mention in front of the family. I was at the corner of the hall sitting like a good bride to be getting mehendi applied on my hands when suddenly I saw one of the cousins pulling N up for dancing, everyone was prepared for resistance and shyness but thak he came and he took the dance floor by surprise and then he came to me and pulled me in to and we danced like a happy couple. Surprise, happiness, glee and hoots in shining on everyone’s faces and that was the time he truly made his first entry to my big mad punjabi family because if you don’t dance you can’t be a part of the punjabi family you see.

And then a year or so after marriage I remember getting excited and joining a dance studio, where we learnt together Salsa, Cha Cha Cha, Jive and a couple of more dance forms for about 6 months or so. So much fun every Saturday evening going for the class and then coming back and participating all that has been taught. I remember that Goa trip where we Jived a little on the live band that was playing in one of the beach shacks. I remember that time for about 2 years or so where we would break into a quick salsa or cha cha cha as soon as we would get the beat of it in any song. It would be like we have the beats playing constantly in our heads “1 2 cha cha cha, 3 4 cha cha cha”.. “1 2 3 4 5 6” and as if on a que we will suddenly pick it up start dancing. I loved those days of dancing of connecting on that level so intuitive.

Fast forward 8.5 years later, at my sister A’s wedding and how you pulled everyone on stage and then let go, danced like really nobody’s watching. I then had my uncle come up to me, give me a gentle hug, keep his hand on my shoulder and say “Mona, yeh apna ho gaya, bilkul bete jaisa” (he is become ours, just like one of our sons). My heart smiled that day and then I went and did one number dance with you.

Here is N on my sisters wedding

And here is one of my favorite songs from favorite movies about Dancing ever

and another one because no talk about Dance can be over without Time of my life and dirty dancing

Things I never want to forget about N #1

Tags

being married, just me, personal, the husband, Things I never want to forget about N

So I had seen this on Revathi’s blog sometime ago and made a mental note about doing this for 10 things as a countdown to our 10th Anniversary but life always has other plans, I got a sudden work assignment which had me burning midnight oil along with something else that kept us even more busy. N’s granny who is 86 and lives with us suddenly fell very sick about 2 weeks ago, she couldn’t breathe and we had to rush her to emergency. One week in the CCU about 10 days in hospital she is now back home. Still not fully fine but slowly recovering, as much as she can at this age. Old age is tough, you are the person struggling with being dependent on someone and everybody around is usually used to being taken care by you and not vice versa. It’s tough to see them suffering and feel helpless because all doctors tell you for every problem they have is that “It’s the age, We can’t cure her. We just have to make her as comfortable as we can”. We all know it’s the truth but it’s the truth that hurts. The past 2.5 week have been a struggle but now slowly life is coming back to rhythm with granny also settling with a full-time attendant taking care of her and like doctors say we hope to make her as comfortable as we can.

Anyways, back to the main topic of this post.

So the man and me have been married for 10 years (well almost) and we have known each other for a year or so before that. We have our good days and bad days. Days where I can’t stop hugging him and there are days when I want to have nothing to do with him or even see his face for a long time to come. As people we are as different as two ends of magnets, two opposite poles could be but yet we bring balance in each others life (or so I would like to think and believe). Friends have often teased us on how they look at us and start believing that marriages are indeed made in heaven else we wouldn’t have chose each other and hence Revathi’s idea of listing a few things that I will never forget or never want to forget about N really stuck home for me.

I wanted to do a 10 day countdown to the 10th anniversary but I know have only 7 days to go to the big day nevertheless I think I will do the 10 day thing and continue it post 17th too and here is the first post.

Things I never want to forget about N #1

He brings the stability and much required slowness in our life 

In the world we are living in right now. We are all in a hurry, hurry to tick off the to-do list, hurry to reach from point A to point B, hurry to catch the latest restaurant in town, hurry about everything. And to top it all everyone who knows me, knows that I am the compulsive doer. Someone who always needs a project on hand, needs to go out, needs to cook, needs to read, needs to organise, needs to… Essentially I run on a fast forward mode and always need to do something. So if left to me our life would have been a bundle of hurries and does.

N on the other hand takes his own sweet time even to buy a shirt. It’s not the indecisiveness we are taking about here, he has pretty clear thought process when it comes to making decisions, it’s just the general pace of living, I am talking about his ability to steal a relaxed moment even in the middle of madness, I am talking about his desire to enjoy everyday of life slowly. His pace to take life slowly as it comes irritates me sometimes yes but when I look back at the 10 years of my life I can’t tell you how thankful I am for that. It is brought a rhythm to our life, a sense that I really can’t begin to describe but only feel. It has also made me stop many times doing what I am doing and ask myself “is this really what I want to do, is this really important” and then throw back my feet and just chill out, curl up next to him and do nothing. Our friend V jokes, when we talk about you guys we always take the average pace in mind and that is how much it works for us.

For me, living with him is like every moment of what this song is talking about and I am so glad of the slowness he brings to my life in the times of rush everywhere

PS: I do hope and pray that I finish this series, I am known to start a series on this blog and then abandon it after a couple of posts

Shifting and the never ending settling

Tags

foodpanda, just like that, online food ordering, personal, random thoughts, This and that

So we moved back to our old house (we know like to call it the new old house) about 1.5 months ago. From some basic interior and painting work starting about 2.5 months, life has been absolutely crazy. From doing a trip to the other part of the city everyday and sometimes even twice a day along with work that was at its peak, I had a crazy crazy time. Initially at the way the work was going, we were in big doubts on how will we ever move back this way but somehow we managed to move back. Painters and Carpenters still working and we moved it. Let me tell you DON’T EVER DO THAT 😉

Phew we came from one disaster to another, the dust, the stress of managing so many people in the house. It was something. Finally those people have moved out of the house too (or so I think since there was a carpenter working in the house yesterday as well and I think a painter coming in today) but if you think my life would be easier now, my dear friends don’t be under an illusion.

Since we have moved back to the house, its been one disaster after another. The UPS stop working, the water motor gave up, the RO system got stuck, the gas hob wouldn’t light, the AC remote got lost and the latest and the biggest “The Water Mystery”

So since past 5 days, we are getting water tankers, pumping it from the sump to the overhand tanker and within about half an hour the tank is empty. Yes we get it indicates leakage somewhere but the issue. We can’t find the F&%*ing leakage. All the taps, bathrooms and other water outlets have been checked. We have even got a plumber who came and checked and said he is as clueless as us on what is happening. There is no seepage anywhere in the house to indicate an internal pipe leakage. Yes it’s a mystery yet to be solved, I just wish I had Cumberbatch to come and solve it for me

And in the midst of all this nonsense, food and cooking is the one which is taking the backseat. If we are getting food on table, I have two people to thank for. One my lovely househelp Sunita who is experimenting with recipes and cooking for us when we are in the middle of all nonsense and second is foodpanda, the online food ordering portal which has made my life easier. Quick and easy ordering which I have tried multiple times only to happy each time. They even have a android and iPhone app which makes the task of ordering even easier. God bless the people who think and come up which such ventures 🙂

So people wish me luck in solving the mystery and send me Cumberbatch if you can 😉

 

 

Turning Five and becoming a Beeeg Boy

Tags

family, lessons from parenting, motherhood, Ojas, parenting, personal

Dear Ojas,

Yes so my child, the brat, the prince.. yes you turn 5 today. Before I get into other details, can someone explain how did this happen? Where did the time fly? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I remember seeing those two lines on the pregnancy test and first jumping in joy and then sitting down and crying because I couldn’t believe it was true. Wasn’t it just yesterday when I went for my first ever scan all scared and tensed, wasn’t it just yesterday when I saw you the first time on that ultrasound screen your smart dad trying to see from all angles if he can figure out the gender 😉 Wasn’t it just yesterday that I went through the most traumatic night of my life when we were told that we have lost you and wasn’t it just yesterday that we finally held you in our hands at a full term contrary to what every doctor predicted, wasn’t it just yesterday my child? It certainly feels like that

Now anyone can see how you have grown in the last 5 years, from a tiny infant to when you started crawling to walking to talking (phew that is when my peace vanished :P), you started going to school and started learning to think logically, articulate and observe a lot of things, you started to fall in love with cars and bikes and ATV’s and that is when dada became the hero of your life and the focus from mumma started to move a bit (and yes your dad is right I am jealous 😉 ), you started to begin being independent and I know that this is just a start. I have seen you grown leaps and bounds in the past 5 years and I think everyone around has, however today I want to thank you for how you have helped me grow in the past years. Grow as a mother, grow as a human being, grow as a feminist, grow as a cook, grow in every part of my life.

You came in my life a little more than 5 years ago and the first thing you taught me was fear and the power of prayers. I have always been the one who used to think everything is in your hands, you can make and break your own life but when I first felt you inside me I knew the power of prayers, I don’t know how but the mind automatically wanted to reach out to the one above and pray for you, you taught me what a strong emotion fear could be and how fear of losing ones dear one can make you do anything even if means being confined in bed for 9 months, even if it means praying everyday, multiple times during those 9 months.

When I held you for the first time in my hands, you taught me what delicate and precious means. You taught me what unconditional love is but most importantly you taught me that being dependent on someone you love isn’t really a bad thing, you taught me that its ok to be looked after sometimes and that you need it badly sometimes.

While struggling with those initial days of breastfeeding problems, PPD, colic you taught me patience and that a mom can never have enough of it, it’s a different matter all together that now you test it everyday 😉

When you fell sick for the first time you taught me the real meaning of the phrase “Doctors are God” and I am sure every mom will agree with me on that, till then doctors were just people to me, people with fancy degrees. However that day he became a God to me.

When you were trying to learn to walk, falling 100 times a day but getting up again and trying, crying not when you fell but crying if we tried to help you get up, child then you taught me perseverance

When I shouted and screamed at you the first time because I was too stressed, too bogged up by cooking, cleaning, feeding and changing you and you looked at me with those eyes that silently said “mumma calm down” you taught me that how much important ME time is for everyone in this world, whether it’s from you or your dad… you taught me that I function well after my timeout 🙂

When you became a fussy eater, refusing every thing we put on plate, you taught me to be creative in the kitchen and improve my skills (yes yes I know its a way to keep my frustrations away but god knows all mum needs loads of them :))

When you went on the stage for the first time, you taught me what pride really means. Even if you didn’t do any of the steps that were taught but still I had my heart swelling in pride and eyes wet with tears.

Last but not the least when you test my patience and be stern on what you want, walk away from me and get into your room angry and upset. When you want the logic and clarification of everything I tell you. You taught me a lesson that every parent needs to learn and eventually does learn. You taught me what I did to my parents and what goes around always comes back 😉 because sometimes my dear child I can see so much of myself in you that it frightens me

Happy 5th Birthday my child, a beeeeg boy like you call yourself now and yes I know you want three cakes I am working on it, yet again learning something hopefully

Loads of love

Mumma

Tired, exhausted, frustated and depressed | Post 27

Tags

motherhood, NaBloPoMo, Ojas, parenting

If the tittle of the post hasn’t put you off till now please read the commentary down. Today is one of these days when I am Tired, exhausted, frustrated and depressed of being a mother. I love being a mother but come on lets face it – its not a easy job and though the smiles and the hugs and the kisses are good rewards there are days it gets pretty frustrating and lonely. Today is one of those days.

The husband has been travelling and is out, we have been night training Ojas and he has been doing great touchwood, he sleeps some 2 hours before us and when we are going to sleep we just take him once again and later he is mostly dry till the morning. once or twice he has even woken us up when he wanted to pee in  the night but yesterday because I was alone it had to be otherwise right? The boy wet the bed three times 😦 As if that was not enough the boy has been behaving like a demon since morning. Shouting and screaming on everything I tell him and not doing exactly the opposite of what I want him to. I have been trying to be patient since this all after all he is a child I say and they have the days when they are allowed to be nasty….

But look what he did sometime back, inspite of my telling him not to he poked himself with this in his ears…

Its his old plastic brush which is broken, one end is pretty sharp and when he was playing with it, I told him not to, took it and threw it in the dustbin. I went to the loo and next thing I hear are screams and crying. And what I see that he has taken it out of the dustbin and poked his ear with it…the ear seemed all red though there was no blood. He cried for about 15 minutes and complained of a lot of pain and finally slept off. An emergency appointment with he doctor has been taken for 6pm and my heart is currently racing faster than a ferrari. I think I just survived a heart attack. How please dont ask me that 😦

I have said that before and I say that again motherhood is the most difficult job I have ever done in my life. Please pray that all be well

Edited to add : May be i should have done this post on his blog but I wasnt really thinking too much, may be will cross post it there.

And we start again

Tags

diet, low carbing, slow carb diet, Weight loss, Weight loss update

The weight loss trail that is, the last update I did on the blog was really really really long ago and I havent been able to do much on it since than apart from adding on some weight on self 😦 I have been doing yoga for the last 2 months and it hasn’t helped me reduced any weight though I agree that its not up since than but I have a lot to lose so I decided last week that drastic times need drastic measures and just when I was thinking of going back on the diet that my nutritionist had suggested me last time I lost 11kgs (out of which 4 is back 😦 ) a friend A suggested that he has been following a diet from the book called “The 4 hour body” , the way he spoke about it passionately the book was ordered the same night from Flipkart and read with much gusto… loved the book and craziness in Timothy enough to try it… Its basically a slow carb diet where we eat as much protein and stay away from direct carbs… and there is a cheat day every week 🙂

So starting today morning I have started the diet and I am totally excited abt it… will keep u guys posted as usual, wish me luck please