Screen time : a permanent debate for today’s parent

Tags

parenting, screen time

Put a few young parents in a room together, and you can be sure that within a few minutes or so the topic of discussion will soon divert to the dilemma on most parents’ minds: Screen Time! Questions like, how much is enough, do they even need it at all, and how the child is being affected by the medium – are all grey areas for most parents.

Every parent has a viewpoint on the subject and every parent has an unfailing logic attached to it. Frankly, I have sensible friends at both ends of the spectrum – the ones who truly believe TV is evil and that kids shouldn’t even get near it to the ones who think of TV as the salvation to all their problems ranging from babysitting to everyday tantrums.

The reality, according to me, as is always in life, is to be somewhere in the middle or as they say, striking a balance. Assuming that in this day and age, a 100% cut from technology and TV is possible, is an act of delusion. Schools start computer classes in 1st standard these days and if that is the case how does one keep the child away from the screen? TV and screens are the necessary evil of this generation and I feel that creating a balance is the key for sowing the seeds for your child’s healthy relationship with screen.

At our home, screen time has simple rules. Weekdays are only allowed for project and research for school work and over the weekend, an allowance of 45 minutes of TV and 30 minutes of iPad. Now this worked perfectly fine till I started realizing it’s not the TV I hate but the thousand and one ads that run on TV. Advertisements that tell me child that he will grow well if he drinks boost and he can probably forget all vegetables and other stuff. Ads that tell him that fat is ugly and that hands shouldn’t be washed for 1 min, well I can go on but you get the point.

Plus the quality of programs like Oggy who taught my son to talk in Hindi which scared me like shit, to give you an example. One day at dinner table the child told my mom “Kya mast khaana banaya re bidu” in the voice similar to hold your breath Shakti Kapoor. That is what scared me with his TV time and we struggled, we went and back and forth. I got him some CD’s that he got bored of and hence wanted to go back to TV again.

And then we discovered Teewe, which changed and eased the whole screen time situation at our home

Teewe is an HDMI media streaming device which transforms any TV with an HDMI port, into a smart TV via which streaming becomes a child’s play (pun intended) on your TV. It allows you to stream content from your phone, laptop, PC or tablet, right onto your television so essentially the control of what your child watches is with you.

The child can’t really wander on the internet which I think is any parent’s fear and yet the child is entertained, can play games, learn the stuff he wants on YouTube (mine loves to watch videos about underwater creatures and how the parts in bike and cars work), listen to music and dance with his friends or watch the good old Tom & Jerry. Its safe content with control in parents’ hands which I think is the only way forward.

So at our home we resolved the screen time tension with Teewe. You can do it too. Whether it’s learning about types of flowers or listening to nursery rhymes or catching a great episode of Mr. Maker, with Teewe the much desired balance and control is easier to achieve.

To know more click here

 

 

And we failed at Day 26…..

Tags

2014, orange rhino challenge, parenting, personal

25 days, I lasted that much. I still can’t believe it. When I started the challenge I thought I would fail at Day 2. I mean really I thought so. Yes people I am talking of the Orange Rhino Project.

26 days ago I had taken the pledge to not scream on O but this morning, I lost it. I woke up with a headache and the child was creating a fuss for everything. I don’t want to eat this, I don’t want to brush. I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to….

Sigh with hubby traveling I lost it and screamed, screamed “shatup, I don’t want to hear a word” and the minutes those words came out of my mouth, I regretted them I know none of this is an excuse and the deed is done and I have gone back to Day 0.

But I am not giving up, re-starting the counter I am back to the no screaming zone, wish me luck yet again

 

On the road with kids

Tags

Highway tales, parenting, parenting thoughts, road trip, road trip with kids, traveling with kids

We do a lot of long drives is not a news to the regular reader of this blog. When we were just married people used to tell us that chalo do as many road trips as you want now once you have kids there is no way you can continue this craziness and now the question I get asked most often is how the hell do you manage with a child? How does he take it? Ofcourse not all are as critical and some really want to know how do I manage road trips with kids. Some days back when I was just coming back from the epic delhi drive, I was talking to Ro and she said that she wants to drive from Hyderabad to Bangalore and would I have some tips, I am wondering if this tip a little too late for her as she is starting tomorrow but nonetheless jotting it down here 🙂

Let me begin by stating that I have really been lucky enough to have a child who loves the road and does have motion sickness but I also think that apart from the fact that I am lucky somethings always work well when one is on the road with kids… Here are my top few things to take care of while traveling with kids via road

1.Enough to Eat – If O is very very cranky there are usually two major reasons to it : sleep or hunger. Sleep usually is not a problem with 90% of the kids during travel but hunger it can turn a child into a monster (I think to some extent adults too). So plan to carry snacks and lots of it, you can’t be stopping every hour or so for food… biscuits, fruits, chocolates, chips, muffins, cakes, vegetables, bread, butter and jam are something you will always always find it in my car when I am off to travel. Infact N makes fun of me that I overdo the snacks but I can bet my life on it that its never too bad too overdo on it. Snacks also work as a perfect time filler…. keeping the little one busy for a while. Get fruits that take time and are fun to eat like oranges, things like crax which you can play with along with eating. Take butter knifes along and let the little ones assemble a sandwich for u once they are above 3 yrs, if they are under that age, let them lick the spoon. But having enough stock and variety to eat would be my top most item to plan when traveling with kids

2. Entertainment – The second most important point when it comes to kids is entertainment, here you have to think according to your child. What works for mine is a couple of CD’s (we have a portable DVD player, but the its timed) some music that he likes that we can all sing along too. Playing word games which are age appropriate, for the younger kids start with showing things on the road and ask what is that and explain what they don’t know. Actually that works for kids most ages – this delhi trip we discussed clutches, gears, windmills, volcanoes, earthquakes, sun and shadow, truck sizes and its relation to the number of wheels among many more things on the way. The trick is to keep them engage in things. If you have two kids you can get them to play dots and cross and some simple games with each other too. In our household books play a very very important part of entertainment too. Let the child chose his or her own books. If he/she is big enough to read by themselves let them else you read to them

3. Toys or Familiar Objects – Kids thrive on familiarity. All it takes is the favorite teddy or ball or bay blade for them to feel comfortable and at home. Let them pack their own toy travel bags. Give them guidelines on whats good and whats not but let them choose. O has been choosing his own toy bag with our help since he was 1 and now he does it all by himself, it also helps me run away from the blame he might put on me incase I forget his toy home 😉

4. Bio Breaks – For babies and kids in daipers this is not a big deal but with older kids it does become a big deal. So be prepared, the rest rooms on the Indian roads unfortunately leave a lot to be desired for. So carry your own toilet seat covers, anti bacterial wipes, santiser. And be prepared to explain to them why the toilets on the road are not clean and what can we do it make them better, its a great time to instill some values. Having said that prepare for all this but also prepare to make them willing to pee on the roadside… some places in India unfortunately one just has to do it

5. Frequent Stops – Kids need to stretch legs, take fresh air more often then us so plan a stop even if its for 10 minutes, every two to three hours. It may seem a lot but trust me it will save you lot of effort and time in the long run

6. Fight the big battles, not the small arguments – I think this is just as most of the time at home too but becomes even more important when it comes to travel. Don’t fret if he has eaten a little two many chocolates but yes fight if he doesn’t sit in his car seat

7. Start Early, Start Small – This is what I tell most parents, for the first two – three years if you never travel with your child on road, please don’t expect him to do a 12 hour road trip in his first trip. Get him used to the car, get him used to the road and see your child fall in love with it. We actually did the first road trip with Ojas when he was a little over 3 months and we think we delayed the first trip 😉

So happy driving folks, do share if you have more tips to add to this

Raising a Reader : Some Parenting Thoughts

Tags

books, how to get kids to read, Ojas, parenting, parenting thoughts, raising a reader, reading

There are some sights that warm your heart like when you finish a call and see your child buried in a book you know you have done something right 🙂 Fortunately for me its a sight that I get to witness very often, Aren’t pictures like this very heartwarming. They give me hope that reading is not going to die a slow death to ipads and the likes. They give me hope that books are going to be alive and the kids of the next generation will still know the pleasures like smell of a book

People often look at O and tell me you must be lucky, he loves books so much, these days kids hardly read all they want is an iPad. Though I agree that touchwood I have been lucky but this luck has come its share of hardwork.

Reading is a habit I wasn’t introduced to as a child. I mean neither my mom or dad are into reading big time and while growing up reading meant course books. However that changed somewhere when one of my uncles introduced me to Famous Five and there hasn’t been any looking back ever since. So whenever I used to think about my child there was one thing clear in my head, love of reading is something I want to pass down to child… Love of reading is something I want to introduce to him as early as possible and something I was keen to cultivate in him. So here are just a few things I did and think should generally to encourage reading in your child

Give him a headstart : The first thing I ever bought for him was a book, yeah might sound funny but its true. We started reading to him as soon as we could settle down with the initial euphoria and madness of becoming parents. Did he understand, most likely not but kids have memory and that made him comfortable with books. Fabric books, books with textures and board books are perfect for kids.. By the time he was 5 months, he would often lie like this and play with his favorite fabric book

Take time to read to him : As they grow older, take time to read to him EVERYDAY… Make a schedule, a time of the day which is dedicated to reading.. May be bed time? In our house time before bed time is reading time. We started with reading one book to him when he was small, slowly the number of books increased (he asked for it) and we would read four books to him. Now we read two books to him, he reads two himself and then sleeps

Let them choose the books : From as early as one year, O had preference on what books he likes, encourage them to select what books they want to read to. Read those books everytime they want. It might get boring to you as they will want the same book over and over again but trust me they will eventually get done with it and move on to another. The thing is the they can only assimilate little and also familiarity is a big thing at that age and hence they want to read it over and over again

Nothing like a good library : Reading can be an expensive habit (ask me ask me) also there is nothing like a charm of a library. Introduce your child to a library early in life. There are kids libraries in town like Hippocampus, as well as bigger libraries like Easy Lib have kids section. Take him, let me explore, let him spend time in the company of books. Let him learn to relish them

Make it a part of the family time : At our house, you can often find all three of us immersed in our respective books sitting next to each other. Make it a habit to read together, when the child is younger give them picture books and let me just browse through it. Start with smaller time durations even 5 minutes is good and slowly increase as the concentration span of your kids increases and he goes from seeing pictures to reading himself. Switch off that TV and open books for the family time and you can thank me later 😉

and last but not the least – the biggest way kids learn is by example, so pick up that book yourself too 🙂

Turning Five and becoming a Beeeg Boy

Tags

family, lessons from parenting, motherhood, Ojas, parenting, personal

Dear Ojas,

Yes so my child, the brat, the prince.. yes you turn 5 today. Before I get into other details, can someone explain how did this happen? Where did the time fly? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I remember seeing those two lines on the pregnancy test and first jumping in joy and then sitting down and crying because I couldn’t believe it was true. Wasn’t it just yesterday when I went for my first ever scan all scared and tensed, wasn’t it just yesterday when I saw you the first time on that ultrasound screen your smart dad trying to see from all angles if he can figure out the gender 😉 Wasn’t it just yesterday that I went through the most traumatic night of my life when we were told that we have lost you and wasn’t it just yesterday that we finally held you in our hands at a full term contrary to what every doctor predicted, wasn’t it just yesterday my child? It certainly feels like that

Now anyone can see how you have grown in the last 5 years, from a tiny infant to when you started crawling to walking to talking (phew that is when my peace vanished :P), you started going to school and started learning to think logically, articulate and observe a lot of things, you started to fall in love with cars and bikes and ATV’s and that is when dada became the hero of your life and the focus from mumma started to move a bit (and yes your dad is right I am jealous 😉 ), you started to begin being independent and I know that this is just a start. I have seen you grown leaps and bounds in the past 5 years and I think everyone around has, however today I want to thank you for how you have helped me grow in the past years. Grow as a mother, grow as a human being, grow as a feminist, grow as a cook, grow in every part of my life.

You came in my life a little more than 5 years ago and the first thing you taught me was fear and the power of prayers. I have always been the one who used to think everything is in your hands, you can make and break your own life but when I first felt you inside me I knew the power of prayers, I don’t know how but the mind automatically wanted to reach out to the one above and pray for you, you taught me what a strong emotion fear could be and how fear of losing ones dear one can make you do anything even if means being confined in bed for 9 months, even if it means praying everyday, multiple times during those 9 months.

When I held you for the first time in my hands, you taught me what delicate and precious means. You taught me what unconditional love is but most importantly you taught me that being dependent on someone you love isn’t really a bad thing, you taught me that its ok to be looked after sometimes and that you need it badly sometimes.

While struggling with those initial days of breastfeeding problems, PPD, colic you taught me patience and that a mom can never have enough of it, it’s a different matter all together that now you test it everyday 😉

When you fell sick for the first time you taught me the real meaning of the phrase “Doctors are God” and I am sure every mom will agree with me on that, till then doctors were just people to me, people with fancy degrees. However that day he became a God to me.

When you were trying to learn to walk, falling 100 times a day but getting up again and trying, crying not when you fell but crying if we tried to help you get up, child then you taught me perseverance

When I shouted and screamed at you the first time because I was too stressed, too bogged up by cooking, cleaning, feeding and changing you and you looked at me with those eyes that silently said “mumma calm down” you taught me that how much important ME time is for everyone in this world, whether it’s from you or your dad… you taught me that I function well after my timeout 🙂

When you became a fussy eater, refusing every thing we put on plate, you taught me to be creative in the kitchen and improve my skills (yes yes I know its a way to keep my frustrations away but god knows all mum needs loads of them :))

When you went on the stage for the first time, you taught me what pride really means. Even if you didn’t do any of the steps that were taught but still I had my heart swelling in pride and eyes wet with tears.

Last but not the least when you test my patience and be stern on what you want, walk away from me and get into your room angry and upset. When you want the logic and clarification of everything I tell you. You taught me a lesson that every parent needs to learn and eventually does learn. You taught me what I did to my parents and what goes around always comes back 😉 because sometimes my dear child I can see so much of myself in you that it frightens me

Happy 5th Birthday my child, a beeeeg boy like you call yourself now and yes I know you want three cakes I am working on it, yet again learning something hopefully

Loads of love

Mumma

Death and beyond

Tags

death, general, kids, life, Ojas, parenting, philosphy

A couple of days ago I took Ojas for his first play “Suar Chala Space“. The play was about animals, spaceships aliens and swine flu 🙂 It was more or less a fun play with loads of dance and music. Cubby and Ojas who went along seem to enjoy the play somewhat, laughing inbetween sometimes because they got the joke and sometimes because everyone else was laughing 😀 Lots of learning about friendship, caring, standing upto your mistakes etc. I totally loved the play, the way it was done perfectly suited for kids I would say. All in all I think I was pretty happy with his first introduction to theatre.

What left me thinking however was one scene in the play, when a buffalo falls sick and dies. The whole act by all means was underplayed. There was no drama or lot of crying involved but I observed that suddenly Ojas’s mood has kind of changed. He has quietened and was looking really sad. I asked him what happened and could see one small teardrop in the corner of his eye and with a very feeble voice he asked me “Mumma why she died”. It made me still for a moment, my heart alternating between pacing and stopping that only a mother can understand… that did my not even 4 yr old understood death? Did he realise that its something wrong? Does he know that we have to be sad when someone dies? I recomposed myself a little and told she wasn’t well and hence she died, he thought and asked me again “Why didn’t she go to a doctor, if she wasn’t feeling well?”. I tried to answer, however the act changed and the music and dance started again catching his attention and he was back to his laughing self in a minute

It left me thinking though, is it time to start talking to him about Life and Death? Touchwood, we haven’t had a death in the close family but life is cruel and you don’t know what it presents you the next minute do you? This was a play, how do you explain stuff like this to kids? I remember my grandma telling me that people become stars and go to the sky when they die, Its such a beautiful idea isn’t it? I know its not true but since my granny died I still like to believe that she is up there as a star looking over me and I can still raise my head and look at her, may be a smile will be passed between us a twinkle

But yeah all these dreamy and emotional ideas apart, tell me god forbid did you go through a need to talk to your kids about death? How did you explain to them? Do you recommend any books that can be read to them? What is the best age one can start talking to them about life and death?