A couple of days ago I took Ojas for his first play “Suar Chala Space“. The play was about animals, spaceships aliens and swine flu :) It was more or less a fun play with loads of dance and music. Cubby and Ojas who went along seem to enjoy the play somewhat, laughing inbetween sometimes because they got the joke and sometimes because everyone else was laughing :D Lots of learning about friendship, caring, standing upto your mistakes etc. I totally loved the play, the way it was done perfectly suited for kids I would say. All in all I think I was pretty happy with his first introduction to theatre.
What left me thinking however was one scene in the play, when a buffalo falls sick and dies. The whole act by all means was underplayed. There was no drama or lot of crying involved but I observed that suddenly Ojas’s mood has kind of changed. He has quietened and was looking really sad. I asked him what happened and could see one small teardrop in the corner of his eye and with a very feeble voice he asked me “Mumma why she died”. It made me still for a moment, my heart alternating between pacing and stopping that only a mother can understand… that did my not even 4 yr old understood death? Did he realise that its something wrong? Does he know that we have to be sad when someone dies? I recomposed myself a little and told she wasn’t well and hence she died, he thought and asked me again “Why didn’t she go to a doctor, if she wasn’t feeling well?”. I tried to answer, however the act changed and the music and dance started again catching his attention and he was back to his laughing self in a minute
It left me thinking though, is it time to start talking to him about Life and Death? Touchwood, we haven’t had a death in the close family but life is cruel and you don’t know what it presents you the next minute do you? This was a play, how do you explain stuff like this to kids? I remember my grandma telling me that people become stars and go to the sky when they die, Its such a beautiful idea isn’t it? I know its not true but since my granny died I still like to believe that she is up there as a star looking over me and I can still raise my head and look at her, may be a smile will be passed between us a twinkle
But yeah all these dreamy and emotional ideas apart, tell me god forbid did you go through a need to talk to your kids about death? How did you explain to them? Do you recommend any books that can be read to them? What is the best age one can start talking to them about life and death?
This is how I handled it Mons
http://mommustbecrazy.blogspot.com/search/label/serious%20stuff
Hey, sorry that was a wrong link.
I’ve told the brat that God came and took grandpa to take care of him because he was too sick, when he noticed he didn’t have one grandpa. And I’ve shown him the stars and how new star pops up when somebody dies. He bought the idea when he was 4.
Monika,
Each child learns at the appropriate time. Have a look at my experience.
http://kaimhanta.blogspot.com/2009/05/little-minds-big-questions.html
‘I told him that she ….’ ?
I think death is a very difficult concept to discuss and I don’t know how you can explain it to kids.
But, I do like the stars in the sky looking down on me… theory.
Wow, Monu…I just wrote about the ‘stars in heaven’ concept on my blog before coming here. Your Nani was right…it is a lovely thought and it does somehow help the child.
http://mammamiameamamma.blogspot.com/2011/11/things-they-say.html
After Baba passed away last year, that’s what I told my boys. It’s something that they hang on to. And you know what, it kind of helps me too…
cant offer advice, but can read the links above by our blogger mates ! :D
That is indeed a tough question.
Rahul had to deal with death when he was 2 1/2 so we never really hid any of it from him, from the illness to the hospital. Last Saturday the gentleman upstairs passed away. When they brought his bruised body home Rahul saw it from the balcony. I wondered about the advisability of it and then I thought, why not? I wouldn’t hide a birth or a marrige from him, would I? It means a lot of questions that I have to answer, including the possibility of my own parents dying, but we soldier on.
I havent a clue about this Mon…
no clue Monu… but sending you and Ojas hugs!
Tht is such a tough question to answer…it all depends on the cild’s emotional readiness and the timing…! I had to explain it to my kids when my mother’s went into a coma when they were b/w 5-6 years . I cant remember exactly how i put it then,but i guess i had made it seem tht it was something all living things /creatures go through,and we go back to our creator. I dont envy u right now,and hope u handle this delicate issue as best as u can.Hugs!
A month of absence. wassup, Mon?
Hello Monika,
Best way is not to give any explanations but ask what they think about it. Most of the time, kids have their own ideas and explanation for these things. In fact if you ask ur son what he thinks about death, he will come up with a very logical explanation.
Try it out.
Chanced upon this post (don’t even remember how) and was intrigued by the coincidence. The play he saw with Cubby this year was called “Duck, Death, and Tulips”. It was ALL about death. Too bad you weren’t there to see it (nor I, to see his reaction). But I am curious to know his reaction to it, given his reaction to just one scene last year. As for Cub, we did the “daadu has become a star” dance-around-the-topic with him. He played along. Somewhere along the way, he figured out on his own that death is a loss and is permanent. At the same time, he continues to believe that daadu is a star and is looking down at him. And even makes jokes, like saying rain is daadu’s fault– he always takes bath right above where we are!