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Gave a talk at a women’s college in DU recently was shocked to hear girls only wanted a good marriage. why waste a seat in univ then?
What do you make out of the current situation of the country when above is a statement made by a journalist in one of the most popular news channel of India. Yeah I am talking about Ms. Sagarika Gosh from CNN-IBN.
It angered and saddened me at the same time and this is what I replied
@sagarikaghose so does that mean that we are ok to have uneducated moms bringing up kids??? is education required only to do a job?
And thus started a huge debate on twitter, Kiran, Sudatta, SachinKalbag, Kaveri all jumping in with their views… mostly towards what I was trying to say.
Now the debate surely left me and Kiran very angry and all that was needed was deep breaths to focus… But post that I sat to think about it – There are two parts to the tweet.
1. One that the girls aspire to be only homemakers – though there is nothing wrong in being a homemaker and its a great responsibility but yes why are most of the girls these days aspire to be homemakers is worth a thought but that’s the topic of another post, here I want to focus on what ticked me off and the second part of her statement
why waste a seat in univ then?
2. Is education (ok she did mention a university seat, but what is a university seat these days? a graduation is no big deal?) a privilege or a right?
Is education required only to do a job or make a career? and here I thought that education is the basic building block of any nation? Was I wrong?
If go flashback about 100years ago the girls were not educated than, neither did they used to work.. or may be I am wrong. They did infact used to work, our literature is full of references to women working in the fields etc, but yes girls were not educated. It was thought that girls don’t need education, why waste the money as well time educating girls when all they have to do is run the house.
And slowly things began to change, India began to progress as we choose to say and slowly people to send their daughters to school and slowly they started working. Started getting more confident and was born today’s modern confident Indian woman… And when she wants to make a choice today to take a career break or may be some of them want to just give up the job and focus on family, we say they are wasting education and they don’t have a right to that seat in the university?
So we really are ready to go back to that era? Or we always were in that era only mentally and were only pretending to progress?
I have personally taken a career break and I know what it is like everyday, I yearn to go back to work but I also yearn to take care of my child….I think every mom whether working or SAHM struggles with this everyday… may be i will go back to work after 1 year when I think ojas is a little more big, may be after 2 years, may be I will go back to work next week or may be I wont go back to work at all.. but shouldn’t that be my choice? The choice I make or rather me and my husband make as a family? Why should I be made guilty for making that choice (and here I must add I would be made guilty for not taking care of my child well too if I had continued to do my job)… Why is being a SAHM made to feel like a tradegy which has happened to a woman.
Shouldn’t it be a woman’s own choice on what she wants to? Till when will we continue loading our woman with the choices that the society thinks is right for them?
We are still getting commanded only the command has changed… From be inside the house, that is your place to go out to work, why are u wasting yourself and education… its only the command that has changed? 😦
And in all this I am still struggling to understand what has education got to do with it… according to me education is a right every citizen has and the choice on how she or for that matter he wants to use it is absolutely upto him/her and I know education is never wasted and specially on a mom for she is the first teacher every child has and do we really want uneducated teachers for our next generation?
Monika's World 
Basic education is a right, Monika. Vocational training is not. When someone who is taking expensive technical training at subsidized fee without the intention of pursuing a career, it is wrong. But for B.A.? Every one needs that much education at least. That is a right, not a privilege.
oh yes I agree there… “someone who is taking expensive technical training at subsidized fee without the intention of pursuing a career, it is wrong.”
but say even if the person has taken the same a break in the career should still be allowed, the govt now gives 2 yrs of paid leaves for the purpose of raising kids ritu…. my problem is the attitude we have towards it
I agree, Mon. Life does not always work the way we plan. There might be times, when we have to take a break from work. I never ever thought, even in my wildest dreams that I would take a break from the corporate world – but I did, and I have enjoyed every minute of it.
Why should it be a crime? I agree- the attitude we have towards this is upsetting.
u said it smitha, life doesnt always turn out the way u want it…
5 yrs back if someone would have told me that I would take a break for raising a baby I would have laughed but I did… overtime priorities change and the way we think does too
Mon, I couldn’t agree more to everything you say. Yes, why shouldn’t it be a woman(or man, for that matter)’s choice to decide to work or not, after having any number of university degrees?
Exaclty my point its not a matter of male or female its the matter of individual choice
Is there some sort of pre-condition? The way I look at it, everybody should be in a position of being financially independent if need be. Every girl and boy should be educated, to a point where he/she can stand on his/her own feet and whether they chose to continue working or not, is immaterial. If we do face a shortage of uni seats, then it is our govt’s responsibility to make more places of education rather than women being expected to drop their education just because they might not work in the future.
Yes it is and here we are talking abt basic graduation smitha, the comment made me so angry
We have a choice,and it is up to us to make it. At the end of the day, if a woman wants to stay at home, she should, and if she wants to be working outside home, so be it. I just do not understand this attitude of some people. And some one lik Sagarika Ghose, should know better!
I am itching for a day where we will be able to decide for ourself whether its the matter of education, clothes or even keeping karwachauth
And you know, it works both ways, as I said in my post. When I decided to take a break, I had someone coming and telling me, that they were so glad to hear it, because they used to feel really sorry for my ‘poor’ daughter! But despite the fact that I took a break, I do not regret working, when I did. I went back to work because it seemed right at that point, and at no point did I feel that I was compromising on my daughter’s care. I don’t care about explaining all this to people who just do not matter, but the fact remains that either way, there is a prejudice and some sort of judging that goes on…
oh yes thats what I said when I was working too I used to get those comments, are bache ka kya hoga?
SO sorry Mon, I ranted 😦 There was so much I had to say 😦
the rant was most welcome smitha, u said what I felt
Me totally loved your rant 😛 Teach me taech me na to put words in such a nice way rather than in my tapori style? 😥
he he saks we love ur tapori style dont change it for anything ok 🙂
I fail to understand why these social statements are made, which often have no thought process to back them.
I agree that if you are trained in a particular field, you should put it to some use. But priorities change with time. And if one has taken a break, he/she should not be made to feel guilty about it.
Education is definitely a right. Whether purely academic or specializing in some technical field. You put it to use in some form or the other. Yeah, even when you are a SAHM!
I also believe puja that no education ever goes waste and these judgments just not done
An educated mother is good for the whole family.
I cannot imagine a woman saying that. Well, the same logic could be applied to people who want to join their family business, why waste a university seat when all you are doing in join baap ki company! But no one says that!
U said it shilpa, why do an MBA? why?
Oh dear…see, when a woman feels like this about other women getting educated, where does this leave us as a Nation ???
Ritu, even professionally qualified ppl, are sometimes forced into quitting their work, for various reasons. We can never generalise the situation….each ones family and the requirements from the Lady is different.
Monu, I am glad u wrote abt this….when all around we are insisting that women shld be educated, this is absurdity to ask, why waste a univ seat !!!
Yeah, I am professionally qualified….but that has not let me leave my girls and run behind my career. While there can be graduates, trying to make a career desperately, as they need some financial support.
its a personal choice uma. I dont judge who work neither do I want to get judged when I dont
When I read that comment I thought she meant women who are getting an education to ensure a good marriage i.e. improve ones eligibility in the marriage scene. I know so many girls who end up in engineering to get a ‘NRI ‘ husband. Not because of any interest in the subject or wanting to work or anything. In that context her comment makes sense.
I agree. I think that’s what she was referring to. And that is a whole other discussion altogether. Boys and girls being made to study engineering/medicine (whether they are interested or not), just to improve their prospects in the marriage market.
I am glad u mentioned boys and girls… and like u said its another discussion altogether…. howeever like I mentioned above she said it to grad students
I do get what u are saying, however she made this comment in LSR, while addressing graduations students is what she mentioned and what I know.
Does it still make sense? and it works a lot of ways… a lot of boys actually do engineering just to become NRI’s are they not wasting the countries resources too?
my problem is havent we had enough judgment already?
This is one of my biggest peeves, if I may say so. The expectation that if educated, a woman must dedicate herself to her work and career. But she should also have a family n kids….else she is over career oriented… and after having a family she must become a superwoman, who is as good a wife/mother as a housewife, and still just as dedicated to her career. God! how that irritates me. Its sad… and what’s worse is that these expectations are laid down by women more than men. Education does not mean not having choice… to do just exactly what the woman wants to. This is just utterly shameful and disgusting.
I see it as a basic instinct of people to dictate. All the while i see the women getting it the most. One of my friend is a SAHM after taking a corporate job for a few years. It was her choice. But constantly people around her keep on telling about how other ladies are taking up career so seriously and all that making her repent what she did. Why on earth would they do such things? Her MIL being the feeder of such topics.
All I can say is that she was the wrong person then to give a talk there! Whether I leave my job to take care of my kid or even my husband for that matter or just my home or just bcoz I need a break, its ofcourse left to me. She has to understand that education is not about just a degree or a certificate or some bookish knowledge, but about a personality. Am def. what I am bcoz of education – be it @ home or school or whatever. It’s another thing that I am using it to earn some money too, but thatz not the only thing it is intended for!
What rubbish! I hate that sort of statement. I think this kind of one-track thinking where you assume that a woman who studies for some vocation, will continue in that line and must keep working, otherwise she will have ‘wasted her education’. I did a Masters in Biotech and I hardly worked in that field at all, excpet as a lecturer for a while. I was a SAHM for a long time. Now I’m a WFH content writer, dabbling in different fields, freelancing as and when it suits me and my family committments. I stopped feeling a long time ago that I’m wasting my education. Have you heard Steve Jobs speech in which he talks about ‘Connecting the Dots’…anything and everything we study comes in useful sometime, somehwere. http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html
Univ seats cannot be wasted.
Its a sad state of affairs when EDUCATED women like this journalist gives such a backward statement 😡
Basic education is a MUST for everyone. An educated mother has a better chance of building a better family, and bringing up her children in a more civilised manner.
However, there are many ‘rich kids’ who only go to B-School ONLY to get a ‘certificate’ and an equally rich wedding match!! Now is that not unfair to the millions of other Boys and Girls out there, who NEED to be breadwinners in their family, but miss out on that precious seat?!!
So I guess, that statement is applicable for all those women (and Men) who pull strings to obtain a seat, that they clearly have no intention of using!!!
Hi Monika,
I ve always browsed through ur blog couple of time..but never de-lurked and today herez something which prompted me to react(though its a bit tangential) may be due to its perfect timing. I am at the other end of the spectrum- I am a working woman through and through- have worked before marriage, through the pre-kid era and now even after my daughter. Ive built up a support system in the past 3 yrs – as of now my parents included. And I dont regret it..Ive been a working moms daughter and I dont regret that either. Now, when I am told that my daughter might not be considered for a school admission just because I am a working mother, I am shocked beyond belief. I think this is the other side of the coin you are talking about. And i dont work because of any liabilities, just because I enjoy what I am doing . So at the end of it, the pressure of the system is always on the womans shoulder and its up to us to stand up straight. Strange!
And I love ur blog and you are doing a good job here..:)
Love,
Gauri
Ahh that lady is not worth following at all..no use arguing with dumb people..she has been embroiled in such remarks and controversies many times on twitter..so I unfollowed her long back.
As for the question I think education of any level is a right. It doesnt matter whether one intends to follow career or not!! If one wants to be a homemaker after getting a medical degree that does not mean she should not take admission. What a rubbish idea!! Freedom is to exercise free will and that included the freedom to study whatever wherever one wants without having the need to prove one is going to apply it in life!!
I am a B.E. and a double M.E. …right now I work and intend to work..but if later I don’t that doesnt mean I “wasted” my seat. I had the chance, the will and the money so I used it! As simple as that!
This post comes at a time when I am grappling with the same issue. I was a hard nosed career woman who was doing very well in her career when I decided that I wanted a child and also decided that when i have a child, he/she becomes my responsibility (and the husband’s ofcourse) and so either he or I will have to be at home.
I decided I would stay at home and then after a while found that it was possible for me to do some work from home when it suits me and my family. It is working pretty well for me even though I also love the feeling of working at an office…. being amidst the thick of things etc etc….
In the beginning, I was lauded for my decision and told that i am doing the right thing.
Now, all of a sudden, people from everywhere, who have no right to intefere in my life are asking me what I am doing at home and when I will be going back to work. After getting an MBA, they tell me, I shouldn’t be sitting at home.
My question remains the same as yours- Just because I have a post graduate degree, does it mean i am wasting it? I see my house help feel miserable because she wasnt allowed to go to school, and she is so happy when I teach her small things that she can read or write. Just because her parents thought that she didnt need an education, she is now destined to be nothing else but a house help.
My daughter enjoys the books I read to her… and I am so happy she is turning into a book lover. I am able to manage my work and other hobbies, my reading, my time with my daughter very well- isnt that a good use of my management degree? Yes, I agree that full time working moms also do a very good job at managing everything. But to each his own.
Its upto me really to decide whether I want to get back to working full time or do something else with my life. Why is it that I am being judged because I am a stay at home mom?
Sorry for the long rant…I should probably do a post on this
education is a privilege. Swami Vivekananda says: “Education is the manifestation of the perfection already present in man” so education is something which is there within us. it’s just how much we strive for it and how much we desire to learn something new.”
There are many qualified mothers who are not educated and there are many non- qualified moms who are educated.
ah she is a silly woman who most obviously can’t even grasp simplest of concepts. sad that she is the voice of an indian woman.
u wrote well though!
I am shocked to know that such a statement has been given by an educated lady.
Education is not done for job, it is for our overall development and rightly said, mother is the first teacher of a child.
Can’t agree more on this Monika.
RESTLESS
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Well Monika,
Sadly this time, I am with the tweeter, i do not know in what intent the tweet was made but hear out my point, education is a birth right, yes. 100% agreed. Every girl child should be educated, yes, completely agreed, but if a girl (or for that matter a boy as well) has no intention of using the professional degree (like Engineering, Medical Etc) is completely wrong, as the seat can be given to a person who can actually bring fruitful outcome of it.
//Shouldn’t it be a woman’s own choice on what she wants to? //
Completely agreed, it should be a woman choice, but if she already wants to become a house wife (point to note: Good marriage) she will be seeing the degree as just a means of timepass or a getaway from her parents. Meaning, she is juggling both the things, which is not good for her health or the nation as a whole isn’t it?
If a person is career oriented and after the degree is forced into marriage or something like that, is a different matter altogether.
The question is not about the seat or educated moms, but about the attitude of the person. I remember my a friend gave up a well paying job to turn into a housewife in US to some half baked NRI. The Job post could have gone to someone needing it desperately.
At the same time, people who get professional degrees to get government contracts or more dowry (I came to know this recently) should also be banned completely.