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The other day I was talking to one of my friends and we got into talking about hubbies.. . She mentioned that I am very lucky to have found a husband like N who understands and helps in the house… Its a great favor he is doing to me…
Now I agree to her views about N but the word favor she used didn’t go down too well with me so I probed a little more and asked what did she think was a favor?
She went on to say that the biggest thing that he has done is support me so well in a troubled pregnancy… she thinks that he supported me in a way that was appreciable and is not really expected out of men… Now I agree with the first part of the statement but I really really have a problem with the second..
Why is not expected out of men I ask? Is it not their child? If the female can nurture the life in her body, call in for a change for life in her physically and emotionally… why cant the man look after the mother-to-be? Why is it a favor, how is it a favor?
Why is a considerate husband who treats the wife as an equal human being is labeled as JKG?
Why do we call the wives who have such husbands lucky when we don’t call the husbands whose wives help them with the income by stepping out of the house lucky?
Monika's World 
seriously.. why???????
hey sorry, the above is me from the husband’s id.. i realized that after submitting it..
he is cooking spaghetti after a days work n me fiddling on his laptop after a day at home.. maybe such world will call me lucky too but i say, touch wood!
~Tara
touch wood tara 🙂 i know these days are just bliss may u keeping having more of them
some people!!
thank god… mindsets are changing…
ya they are but slowly
btw like ur template! 🙂
thanks lady
I think you are lucky to have such a beautiful relationship and an understanding husband.
For your friends who thinks that guys are doing a favor,
“In relationships as beautiful as these, don’t have any kind of ehsaan in it”
i agree prats in relationships there is no ehsaan but still why do people make the females feel there is sigh
When wives go out and work, they are lucky that they are being given so much freedom. Such terrible conditioning Monika. We don’t even realise what’s happening is unfair 😦
as i always say IHM we are own biggest enemy we are the ones who do this conditioning… and we are the ones who are made to feel lucky when we are given basic rights
sigh
hmmm well… as much as im inclined to say your generalising tooo much, im also aware that you do have a point… even our so called modern guys feel that its their right to have their wives cook for them after both of them come back from work together… but then, one of the most self assured woman friends i had, chose a guy for herself who had such ideas and she seems to be fine with it…
i wouldv thought atleast so-called enlightened women who make a fuss about this gender bias would find themselves guys who arent so archaic in their views… and since that doesn seem to be the case, sometimes i do wonder whether it matters so much….
personally im all for sharing work… not because of a great heart, but because im sure ill enjoy it…. i mean, i know im not there yet, and neither am i pulling the rope, but when i get married, im sure ill enjoy being an equal partner…
No ab I am not generalizing… i am not saying all are like that they are not but unfortunately as u accepted i have point 🙂 there are many…. actually the guys surprisingly are indeed changing atleast the guys i have met 70% of them dont think so any more but then their wives are labeled lucky and they are labeled JKG…
I agree with u and I have always maintained that we are our biggest enemies.. note that this comment came from a female friend of mine and not a male… its years of conditioning ab…. and will take years to go, I think we as a generation have a very important role to play…. we need to make sure that this conditioning doesnt reach our children… that we dont raise sons who are archaic and daughters who prefer such men…
and also be willing to share… glad to hear that from u we need more youth saying yes to equal partners and when i say that i say both men and women
but thinking it over mon, heres something that shud give us some perspective…. we complain about the husbands that dont share the house work and watever else… whatabout kids (girls and guys alike) who think that there mothers were created to serve them.. (and we’re talking about teenagers/youths who wont wash their own plates, or clean their own rooms, not toddlers)
that just goes to support my theory (which i have tried expounding on Ds and IHMs blogs, but got vigorously scathed for the effort :P) that this (like a lot of other things self styled feminists harp about) isnt as much about gender bias as much as about taking advantage of society’s stereotypes. I dont think any man can truly ‘love’ (the way we claim in our pledges before marriage) a woman if he can be oblivious to the fact that she takes more responsibilities, and perhaps works harder than him, if he doesnt feel like he can move his ass a little bit to make it a little easier for her! id put it down to lethargy, or insensitivity..!
and yeah, i know u didn say a lot about sharing housework in this post… i think that came from reading IHMs JKG post!
that was a point well made ab… i agree and that is what i mean when i talk about conditioning too… ok not exactly that but something similar…
I think the children also should be made to realize their responsibilities as kids of a working mom, we were always… keeping our rooms in proper shape was always our responsibility and mom had made it clear that she will not come and clean it if we dont.. she will help us if we need it but we own was the mantra and I think that is a reason none of us takes mom for granted
I think u are right abt that theory… there is a indeed some weight in it
Hmm, our society has gone through years/decades/centuries without much change on this aspect. I strongly feel that we are going through more change than ever during this era. Still, somethings are not so easy to change right? Even though men and women are doing equal things for the family, they are still not equal!!! May be it takes some more time. But I’m sure that it’s coming.
i have to agree with u on that, in this era we are having a leap of change… actually if u look at it that way not just in this but a lot of things we have taken a leap so this has to follow…
looking forward to a day when we will eventually be equals not just called…
welcome here sue
things are changing but…
I m waiting for them to change to a point where SAHD become common !!!!
why dont u start making it common hitchy 🙂
I wouldnt mind… !! tell my wife… !!!!
though i m pushing her real hard into businesS …. soon my dream will come true !!!!!
amen 🙂
Bah! This attitude so pisses me off. I hate it when when get loaded with praise for doing their duty in any case case. In fact, they should be made to feel bad if they don’t…
Ya i know when they dont do it its fine when that should be the problem… sigh
totally pisses me off too
its a strange world.. i dont get wats the big deal with the husband helping out.. he’s not doing his wife a favour !! i mean its all shared responsibility isnt it? the kid, the household chores,the commitments to family and relatives..so he shud be doing it!!! i wud have issues if i had to live someone who dint think all this was a joint effort…
im sure women call u lucky because they dont have husbands that help out… so from their pt of view, u are lucky!! donno why they dont call husbands with working wifes lucky tho…
ya thats my problem, its their duty anyways then why make a big deal out of it and make us feel as if we are torturing them… actually that was the exact tone of the lady
hoping for the world to change sooner
btw, WELCOME TO WORDPRESSSSSS!!!!
thank u 🙂
Agree with all that u say. What ehsaan? It’s an equal responsibility. I say that “we” are pregnant , not me alone
ya absolutely…. its both who are going to have a baby not just the female
Oh this attitude is so so irritating! I guess it is social conditioning where the wife is expected to do everything and the man just lords over.. I know couples where the wife is pregnant and the man does nothing absolutely to make her life easy.. I was shocked to see it.. It is as if all that is a ‘woman’s work’ .. Yes, and people like this try and make out that any wife whose husband ‘helps’ around is ‘lucky’!!! That attitude is so irritating!
i have seen these kinds too smitha they are so irritating and they thing they are manly and that is how it should be
BTW welcome here
brilliant. I am completely with u
I get it all the time, how the boy’s a gem and how other nem friends never want to introduce their wives to him coz he’s super human….and why that? coz he helps around the house,
And women who cook and clean and go out and earn and have babies, what do u call them? Normal!
exactly? but then on the lighter side probably that means that men are really not capable of doing all this at all 😉
This wordpress look is so much cooler!!!!
And I completely agree with you on this.. Its really pathetic that men are considered to be doing a great favor on us by being a good partner. Even I am tired of hearing this from A’s family that how lucky I am to have him by my side post-c-sec where he helped me with changing diapers, getting warm water etc. I do appreciate all things good/nice/supportive that he is, but I also believe that this is what gets us going – the ‘favors’ that ‘both’ of shower on each other!!
thanks puja… exactly thats the point. when we do something for them, is it ever a favor then why ulta?
this kinda perception will take a loong time to get over! lot of men who do things at home also think they are doing a favour!
but slowly and surely things will get better! 🙂 am sure we are bringing our sons to know what it is to be a real man! 🙂
cheers!
yes abha thats my only hope 🙂 and also teach our daughters to accept that
😦
conditoning conditioning 😦
when will we grow out of it as a whole?
Very well put Monika….theres no favor when both are able-bodied, able-limbed adults.
u said that in one sentence sara beautiful