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PS: long post ahead with pregnancy and delivery details…

This post has been wanting to be written from a long time, I have read a lot of C-sect stories at The Mad momma and some other bloggers too, then some time back I read these posts by a reasontowrite, her posts stuck a chord and I thought of writing my birth story too… But then I was also running away from the thought, I didnt want to think of all that horror… and now after thinking a lot on what to write for the Indus Ladies Mother’s Day contest I decided on this one.

SO this one is going to be entry to there too

Every bit of my pregnancy was planned… we had been trying for sometime and when we got the news I was on the seventh heaven, top of the world. Would touch and feel my stomach 100 times a day and we were both a very happy couple… But then within a week of getting to know the good news started the morning sickness, which should please for heaven’s sake stopped being called that as it just starts on mornings and lasts all day long, sigh….

I was still adjusting to that when I saw some spots of blood and my heart skipped multiple beats, I immediately called my doc and the 5 mins that it took for her to attend to me felt like the longest period in my life… she told me if its only spots there is nothing to worry and prescribed me some medicines… and life went on…

About 1 month later the horror stuck again, in the wee hours of the morning I woke up feeling wet in the legs and we rushed to the hospital, the nurses and docs were quick to give medication and the bleeding was stopped in some 20 mins which was not very heavy anyways… but I was kept in hospital for about 4 days and put on bed rest for a month post that, after what had happened… I was ready to be on bed rest forever if that was what meant saying my baby’s life.

My mom was summoned from Delhi and hence started the bed rest pampering sessions, still accompanied my crazy so called morning sickness, it had become a joke in my house that if I was not to be seen on my bed I could be found in the loo puking… there was hardly anything that would stay inside me apart from IceCreams and I had loads and loads of it…

And as this was going on in 10 days the horror stuck yet again…and this time with a greater strength, suddenly out of the blue I started bleeding like crazy, N was traveling and mom didnt know to drive… so the neighbors were summoned and we rushed to hospital yet again.. By the time we reached there the bleeding had increased even further, the medication was given and we were asked to wait and warned that the chances of my baby’s survival are 50-50%, my heart broke, my mom held my hand tight and I didnt want to let her go… I guess she understood what I was going through… N had also reached by then and I just broke down when I saw him and cried like crazy, had no strength to deal with it anymore…By this time the assistant doc had announced that there are lumps and baby parts coming out and the baby is surely gone, the doc will come early in the morning and do a DnC… I think that was the worst night of my life… both me and N were holding each other’s hand and crying all through… I had lost the most precious thing of my life

Early morning the routine OT duties were done and I was taken to the OT for DnC… I touched my stomach one last time to feel my baby… the doc held my hand, ran a hand through my hair and I cried yet again… Anyhow I was given GA and then after couple of hours dazed I woke to see my doc’s brimming face telling me that the baby is fine… For a minute I thought I am dreaming, that I am still unconscious under GA and dreaming about my lost baby but then the doc came and touched my head and I could a small tear in the corner of her eye too…She said no monika the baby is really alive and this time I cried truck loads but they were the tears of happiness…

How the baby was saved is a mystery still, my doc came to the OT and saw that the cervix was closed and felt tight, she did a scan, called N in and they both saw baby’s heartbeat… and she came out of the OT without doing anything… My doc calls Ojas a Miracle Baby… she says that in her 40 yrs of career this is the first time she has seen this happening…. May be God wanted us to have him… He is truly a blessing

The rest of 6 months were spent, lying on bed taking medications day in day out, constantly praying that everyday passes without an accident, prepared for a premie baby and everything else that  I even shudder to think about. There were days I would feel sad and depressed with nothing to fret but my child’s well being. Will he be born ok? Will he survive the term? If he is premie how will it turn out to be? Will this effect his health, his brain, his heart?

Somehow I stretched it to 37 weeks,  had a scheduled C-sect, which I dont regret a bit… I am proud of my scar that’s where my miracle baby came from…

I wonder why women back such a big deal of normal vs c-sect delivery… because I didnt go through labor doesnt make a less good mom just as the fact I had a difficult pregnancy doesnt make a better mom

Motherhood is much more than some hours of labor and delivery infact motherhood is much more than those 9 months… motherhood is a lifetime of commitment, of love, of sacrifice, of braveness and of many more feeling I am yet to encounter.

Motherhood is what makes me complete

PS: cross posted at ojas’ blog for the record

PPS: ritu asked me to add the link again http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/phoenixritu/mothers-day-competition-1717/