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Life’s like a big circus right now and that too a circus in which the loin has gone open and the whole control is lost. My maid has vanished out of the blue and I have three people in the house who need care currently… my 7 month old son who is turning naughtier everyday, my 60 yr old mil who has just been detected with Meniere’s disease and is on bed rest for 2 weeks and 84 yr old grand mil who can barely manage to walk till the toilet because of Osteoarthritisand not to forget I have new job which I joined about 3 weeks back. God help me please 🙂

I have always been a person who likes to be in total control of what’s happening in my life, I like to believe that all of life’s situation are manageable its just that we don’t have a capability of doing so sometimes, but at this point of time my belief is actually shaken or may be its just that I don’t want to think that I am not capable of managing this 🙂 the situation is somehow getting managed with the help of the cooking maid stretching times and taking of these three people and me cooking in the morning before coming to work till I find a new full time maid but something in me is very tensed very depressed these days…it feels as if I am living someone else’s life…

I have always been this carefree, independent and free girl… wanting to live life at my own conditions, wanting to make my own rules and live by them… the thing that I enjoy most in life is my freedom and my space and I think that is the most scarce commodity that I have these days… I am not running away from responsibility but this is not the life I had ever imagined for myself, I agree that parents are to be taken care of and we are the ones who have to take care of them… but what about our life? Is it fair that our life also gets limited to just taking care of them or taking care of our children… living with mil is different but currently my house seems like one big joint family…. My mil, my grandmil, my sis and apart from that hopefully I will get a live in maid soon and I have two more maids coming in for cleaning and cooking… this is not the life that I had ever imagined for myself…this is not the life that I want to live…

Tried taking to my hubby about this but he laughs it off…. Either he thinks I am joking or may he intentionally laughs it off as he knows that he really doesn’t have a solution for this… but its killing some part of me everyday… I have a feeling I am going into depression… I cry on the smallest thing…. Don’t feel like eating… and just keep doing something or the other like robot…

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